Body Image, Compassoin and Self-Love

Apparently this is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. I don't have enough knowledge of specific eating disorders to write a post of any depth or insight on the subject, but this seems a fitting time to serve up some of thoughts on body image, compassion, and self-love.

Body Image

I think it's safe to say that most of us have, at one time or another, suffered from some insecurities about our body, whether it be shape, size, lack of muscle, excess of fat, etc. It's nearly impossible in this day and age to avoid feeling 'skinny', 'fat', 'flabby', 'out of shape', or some other such descriptor that we choose to label ourselves with.

Society seems to have taught us that it is, in fact, what's on the outside, that matters most. By and large (no pun intended), we've bought into the idea that we 'should' look a certain way, have a certain sized waist, weigh a certain amount, have a certain amount of body fat and be muscular (or not 'too' muscular if you're a woman).

I've been my own worst enemy with regards to criticizing my own body in the past. Interestingly, these critiques didn't start until I was in university and more routinely surrounded by girls talking about (complaining about) their weight. Growing up I never had any insecurities about my body (save for my bust size, which my sister liked to make fun of on occasion), but by the time I was about 22 I'd amassed quite a list of things that were 'wrong' with my body.

As I write this, I still find myself tethered to some insecurities about my body, but that little voice that shouts them out at me is getting fainter and fainter. This is not so much because my body shape has changed dramatically, but rather because I've come to the learn the very hard way, that self-criticism is destructive on so many levels it's right up there with sugar and smoking in terms of its hazards to your health, both physical and mental.

Now I try to stand in front of the mirror naked and admire the things about my body that I love, or at least like. I try to thank my body after it gets me through a long day of work and play. I try to focus on the things about myself that are awesome (and there are a lot of them).

It's not an easy process to move from a poor body image to a good one, but it does seem to be getting easier with every year that passes. The less I care about what other people think of me, the more I find myself liking who I am in this very moment.

Compassion

There is not enough compassion in the world. There is too much fear and insecurity within most of us and when we unleash that unto the world, it simply perpetuates other people's fears and insecurities.We judge ourselves silently and try to put on a confident face to the world. At the same time we let ourselves make judgements about those around us - whether they be strangers, friends or family. Often these judgements remain contained within our thoughts, but certainly there are many times where we use words, laughter, or rejection in an effort to build up our own fragile ego by tearing someone else's down. It's as if we're trying to rid ourselves of all the negative and dislike we have for ourselves by placing it on others.

I am tired of seeing people labeled and judged simply for the shape of their body - from 'fat and lazy' to 'crazy, skinny chick'. It seems that unless you are of an 'average' size, it's open season for others to make judgements about who you are based on your size. Yes, maybe some people who are fat are, indeed, lazy, but there are plenty of lazy, average-sized and skinny people too. These divisions based on size serve no purpose. I read this blog post entitled 'Fat Phobia, Thin Privilege and Eat a Sandwich. and while I can appreciate some of the points made by the author, I'm mostly disappointed that there are now labels to highlight the perceived or real differences in the way people are treated based on their size.




Sure, on occasion we pretend that we aren't making judgements about others and that everyone is beautiful, but in the next breath we are sighing in relief that there's someone bigger than us at the party we're attending.


I was watching this TED Talk tonight by Brene Brown about the power of vulnerability. I recommend everyone watch it. She shares many profound insights from her research and journey searching for answers to questions about human connection and vulnerability. Anyways, one thing she said in passing is that we must have compassion for ourselves before we can have compassion for others. Isn't that so true? Until we accept ourselves, with all our imperfections, how can we begin to accept others in their imperfect states?

Compassion is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, because it allows you to give compassion to others. We all want to be accepted and loved. Wouldn't it be wonderful if instead of having the world point out the imperfections in us, we embraced each other and encouraged each other to live their lives to the fullest? Maybe, just maybe, if instead of making fun of that fat person chowing down on three burgers at McDonald's, we asked that person if they'd like to join our walking club, we'd give them the helping hand they need to become healthier and happier. If anything, I am about 99.9% sure that our own hearts would benefit from acting with compassion rather than with judgement.

Self-Love

It all boils down to this: we must embrace and love our imperfect selves. Some might say that's just an easy way for people to stay exactly how they are, for the McDonald's addict to continue wolfing down burgers, but I completely disagree. I think that once we start to accept ourselves, we stop doing the things that we were doing to numb the shame and fear that inevitably co-exists with a lack of self-love. For some people it is eating that numbs the pain*, for others it is drinking, for still others it is working manically so there is never time for rest or reflection, for others it is zoning out in front of the TV. Whatever one's chosen tonic of numbness, I think that as we find our way towards self-love, it is inevitable that we will cut down on these numbing indulgences. The hard thing, of course, is finding our way towards that self-love. Still, for those that dare to go the distance, I believe the rewards are most wonderful. Start simple - smile at your naked self in front of the mirror. And next time there's a skinny girl in front of you at the grocery store with only a package of gum to ring through, try to guess whether she's a dog lover or if she has anyone to say 'I love you' to when she gets home at night.

*I have some additional thoughts regarding the complex role of food in how we live and how we feel, but will save those for another post.