I'll be the first to admit that my blog is self-censored. Whose isn't? There are simply some subjects that are not for public consumption. But then, if a blog is supposed to be a journal, and you're skipping the real meat of what's going on in your head and heart, well that begs the question - what's the point? Why am I writing a blog that is, for the most part, self-censored and self-centred at the same time?
And the answer, I have come to realise, is that I am self-censoring for ME, moreso than I am for anyone who might be reading this blog. By choosing to journal on a public forum and neglect any private journalling, I am really censoring myself from delving too deeply into my thoughts and feelings. The only time I ever journal privately is when I am travelling for lack of access to the Internet and when I read these pages back, it's damn revealing. And sometimes inspiring. And sometimes embarrassing. But it's all there in ink and for my eyes only.
So where does that leave me with blogging? Well, I still like All Shanadian, it gives me a chance to bore people without having to look into their eyes while I do it. Kidding. Now I am being self-depreciating. Sometimes I blog things that people indicate they found to be insightful or inspiring. Those are the posts where I let my emotions reign free (only the positive ones though!). I also like rereading my blogs to remind myself of what I've done and where I've been. My memory is fading fast with age. So, in the end, I think I will have to continue blogging, but take on the private journal too. All that being said, I *may* decide every once in awhile to blog more candidly than I have in the past. Just so you are forewarned.
Yawn. I am tired. I was tired when I started writing this, and I am tired now. yawn. yawn. yawn.
1 comment:
Whether it's written down or not, for public consumption or not, we spin our own narrative in (usually) a way that's beneficial to ourselves. I personally do like the fact that I can present my side of an argument the way I want to, and get a point across in a format where I am in control.
On the other hand, I really envy the people who can let loose with their real feelings, and admit weaknesses that I would be scared to death of even typing out, let alone putting them up there for the world, and still expect you to read my other posts without my ideas being tarnished because of some story I told where it turns out I did something completely idiotically.
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