Pieces of the Past

Lately I've been writing a lot. I know what you're thinking, so let me qualify that. Lately I've been writing a lot...in my head. Every day, I have tonnes of absolutely amazing thoughts running through my mind. Often they are even in the form of coherent, interesting sentences. Unfortunately, two things seem to present rather large hurdles when it comes to getting my writing onto paper (and by paper I mean computer screen because, let's face it, it's 2011 and paper is so 1999). The first hurdle is that these thoughts come to me at rather inopportune times, like when I'm at work or in the shower or playing dodge ball, and even when they come to me while I'm sitting around in my apartment or sweeping the floor, I just can't seem to bring myself to open up Word or Blogger and 'get 'er done' as they say. Which brings me to the second hurdle and, most likely, the reason I don't make much of an effort to get myself to a screen when wondrously amazing thoughts are streaming through my consciousness - because it seems a blank page acts as a very powerful repellent to these thoughts. Words dancing and swirling around in my head suddenly do a disappearing act the minute I sit down to write a blog. It's kind of like those mornings when you wake up after a night of intense, vivid dreams that you know were mind-bending, but can't recall the slightest detail. All you are left with is this fleeting sense that you were on the brink of something that would change everything.

As a result of the above, recurring experience, I have approximately a gazillion (give or take a few zillion) partly drafted blog posts that I've abandoned because I didn't feel they were inspired, or because I got tired and went to bed, or some other lame excuse. And now I'm thinking that this whole 'not good enough' attitude that the vast majority of us have of the things we think, write, create, do, say, etc. is rather ridiculous. And I really don't think I need to elaborate on that much. It's ridiculous to strive for perfection and reject anything that you don't deem as 'perfect'. So, in an effort to purge myself of 'imperfect' blog posts and, perhaps, share some musings that make me feel rather vulnerable and exposed, I've copied and pasted a good chunk of excerpts from posts that never got published - all the way back to 2004 and up to 2011 (in no particular order). Most, surprisingly, aren't about food!


_____________________________________________________

on this occasion, whilst I'm well lubricated with red wine, dark chocolate and classic vino movies, I shall attempt to be clear...chardonnay clear: I have come to the conclusion that I have been severely limiting myself in most facets of life due to a lack of confidence in my own abilities and a parallel fear of failure. I know I am not alone in experiencing such limitations, but I feel like I am straddling a chasm right now.

_____________________________________________________

I am no stranger to change, having taken many leaps into the unknown during my twenties, with faith that I'd land on my two feet (and I always did). It wasn't always easy or comfortable, but in the end I was always amply rewarded by the universe for being willing to let go of the familiar and embrace the unknown. And each time I took a leap of faith, it got easier. I had more confidence in myself, I knew I'd be able to handle the lows and highs, the fears and challenges, and eventually I'd find my way to the rich rewards (sidenote: Read The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo).

But there is a difference between change that you choose to undergo and change that is thrust upon you suddenly and without any say in the matter. That's when one's resiliency is really tested. There's no time to take an extra big gulp of oxygen, no time to relax the mind, no time to reassure one's self that everything's going to be alright. And so the task of dealing with this disturbance falls squarely on your unsuspecting shoulders, or perhaps it's your heart. And how you handle that disturbance is a reflection of how resilient you are. And how resilient an individual is, in my opinion, comes down to their capacity to deal with fear of the unknown and to adapt to change.

____________________________________________________________

At our first session Allison asked me if I wanted to go on the normal weight loss plan I'd been on previously or lose the weight faster. Clearly I wanted to lose the weight faster. So she put me on a high-protein, low carb plan - I was eating two eggs every morning, 6 oz of meat/fish at every meal, lots of veggies and a sparing amount of select low-sugar fruit. No starchy carbs for me, no sugar, no tropical fruits (boo). Well, after 5 weeks on that meal plan I'd managed to lose a WHOPPING 1 pound. Mind you, after we did an ELG to determine my body composition, it seems I'd lost 5.5 pounds of fat and gained 4.5 pounds of muscle. So that was a bit better, but still, the scale wasn't giving me the results I wanted and Allison was a bit perplexed. Mind you, she also observed that I wasn't sticking to the 'no tropical fruit' rule (I can't help it, I love pineapple and grapes...which are not actually tropical but kind of high in sugar). It struck me that this plan she had me eating on was very similar to the Primal Blueprint that I'd been trying out while in Kingston during the winter. That hadn't gone so well either.

So two weeks ago, Allison decided to put me back on my old, normal plan - one where I could eat certain cereals for breakfast (Kashi Go Lean, Oatmeal, Fibre 1), rice, potatoes, pasta, tortillsa, etc., as well as tropical fruits (yay!) and smaller portions of protein. Lo and behold after one week, I FINALLY saw a two pound loss on the scale!! Woot! Allison told me I was one of the 'lucky few' that needs carbs in order to metabolize proteins... Um, OK. I'm completely thrown off to be honest. I was almost 100% sold on the Primal lifestyle as being legit, albeit difficult to adhere to. And now, here I am feeling just healthy and fine and eating starchy carbs and losing weight. I really don't know what to believe any more. Nutrition is a mystery. What I know, without a doubt, is that nature provides food the way food should be eaten. Eating as close and clean (i.e. organic) to the source as possible, eating in moderation, and listening to your body will never lead you astray.

________________________________________________________________

Am feeling more like travel agent than high-flying data entry career woman as of late. Have been booking flights, trying to find cheap deals and considering how long I can endure Scottish ‘winter’ before hightailing it to sunny locale where I can sip margaritas and work on my never-present-tan. Have had some luck with cheap flights in Europe so am all booked to go to Dublin & London in the upcoming months. Have had no luck finding cheap flight home at Christmas…in fact, cheapest flight I could find was with Continental, flying thru NY to Halifax for $1000 return. Not bad I suppose, but nothing compared to the $140 direct flight I got coming over….

_________________________________________________________________

A friend of mine emailed me last week and asked me, in perhaps the most succinct and direct email he has ever written in his life, whether it is possible to love someone even if you don’t respect their decision(s). Now, before I go off on a linked tangent about whether it is or is not possible, I need to make note of something – I have been asked for advice on love matters a number of occasions over the last few years.

I’m not talking those simple questions like ‘do you think he likes me? I mean he did text me to ask what’s up?’ OK, I do get those questions , but come on girls can’t help but analyse and overanalyse every little thing that may, but most likely does not, have some deep, hidden message. I’ve been asked and asked those type questions countless times.

But these other questions about love, the more serious and substantial ones, come to me just when my own life has been thrown out kilter by something to do with the L-word.
For example, just two days after I had ended my first serious relationship, my friend/roommate comes to me for advice about what action/inaction he should take with regards to his love life. I mean, he’d never even broached such discussion with me before. What was up? Was I wearing some sort of sign that said ‘I Have All The Answers Despite Just Having Broken Up with Long-term Boyfriend'? I mean seriously – I’m the one people came to when they wanted ‘help’ with their homework (or just to copy mine). Never would I have considered myself qualified in any shape or form to give advice on the course of action someone should take with regards to their love life.

And yet I have done so a number of times over the last few years. Know what I’ve discovered ? It’s a hell of a lot easier giving advice than it is taking it. And it’s a lot easier to see things clearly when you are outside the situation then when you are completely immersed in it. That is what makes it utterly frustrating - when you are on the inside and contending with logic versus those much less understood things called emotions.

Oh, how tricky the heart & head can be. Why must they be at odds so often? Your heart telling you one thing, your head (and all your family, friends, acquaintances, etc.) telling you something else? This particular scenario, in case ye hadn’t guessed, is my current debacle.

The simple answer to above query, I believe, is this: If your head and heart are not in sync, then the particular dish of love you are currently consuming (or debating the consumption of) is, ultimately, going to cause you a great deal of pain.

________________________________________________________________

So I'm sitting here (still on the farm) and it's kind of late. The wind outside is ferocious - the farm sits in a valley, which acts like a wind tunnel. Everything bangs around outside and, that coupled with the dogs barking and the cat thumping around on the roof, sometimes gets me a bit antsy. Speaking of ants, this place happens to have a lot of them. The house sits on stumps (in Australia no one has basements) and the cracks between the floorboards are basically an invitation to any creature that can fit to come on in and fend for themselves. Plenty of food, water and shelter to go around.

But really, it's not the wind or the ants or the domesticated animals that are keeping me up. It's my thoughts. I've been thinking a lot about my thoughts lately - how much power they hold and how little we choose to wield this power for our own happiness.

Fear and doubt- the most crippling emotions we can let ourselves experience and, yet, we are so conditioned to doubt ourselves, to fear failure and rejection that we subconsciously bring about that which we are so afraid of.

_______________________________________________________________

A truly free market will, by its very nature, seek to be as efficient as possible, which is to say it will produce as little waste as possible because waste is inefficient and expensive. And what are pollutants if not waste? Already many multinational companies are adopting more energy-conscious and less-polluting practices and technologies and are reducing their costs of business dramatically. IKEA was a pioneer in this regard, adopting The Natural Step framework to effectively reduce its ecological footprint.

There still exists this engrained idea that the economy and environment will always be at odds - that for one to be robust, the other must suffer. This has often been the backbone of arguments against instituing policy changes that are favorable to the environment. This is, of course,a false premise and, in fact,the opposite is much closer to the truth - there is money and jobs to be made/saved by reducing waste and harnessing the powers of nature. Positive changes in business will not come about because companies suddenly to decide to be altruistic, they will come about because they make the most business sense.

That being said then one could argue that if a free market economy will naturally lead to waste reduction, gov't should not have to introduce any policies that induce change because companies will naturally adopt whatever practices are in the best interest of their bottom line. Of course, that argument presupposes that a free market exists and, of course, it doesn't. Perhaps if govt's were only to cut off all the subsidies and incentives that support the oil businesses and allow for a free market to reign then we could make some real progress without gov't involvement. Because, really, change will only come when there is a collective agreement within the global community that it is time to pull the red carpet out from under the oil companies and cartels that govt's will react to public outcry for their own short-term survival. They may not listen to one or two voices singing, but they will not be able to ignore an entire choir of voices singing in harmony. That global community is made up wholly of 'yous' and 'mes'. We can effect change, we have that power within our grasp, so start singing.

________________________________________________________________



As it happens, there's not a whole lot to write about on ol' personal life. Being a student is exhausting at times and I've spent the majority of the past three months doing the following things: working out at the gym, making meals, sleeping, reading academic journals, trying to write academic papers, getting frustrated by failed attempts to write academic papers, procrastinating on finishing academic papers, stressing about meeting deadlines for academic papers, going to Thursday night trivia instead of finishing schoolwork, and, well, I think you get the idea. There have been a few highlights over the last few months - most obviously the highlights in my hair which have been red, purple and now...a shade of red again. Other less literal highlights have included a trip to a maple sugar bush, where I learned how maple sap becomes maple syrup and then indulged in some pancakes drenched in maple syrup. (I've skipped February events because they are basically a blur at this point, but I can't recall any standouts in any case). I also booked plane tickets for May - I'll be heading west to Vancouver/Victoria and then East to Pittsburgh/State College, Pennsylvania.

________________________________________________________________

So, what have been the upsides of being single for big chunks of time in my twenties? Well, I'll admit, it made leaving Canada and traipsing around the world a heck of a lot easier. Come to think of it, this might have been one of the reasons I broke up with my only L-T boyfriend - he was not supportive of my need for independence and passport stamps!

Another upside, related to traveling, is that I have gotten to know myself very well, and I've been working, endlessly, at improving and evolving. I know who I am far better than I did when I was 21, and I'm not sure that all of the discoveries I've made about myself would have happened if I'd been wrapped up in a relationship and working a 9-5 job somewhere in Canada. Traveling has, admittedly, been my significant other for a good chunk of my 20's.

Another bonus of being single is that I can make decisions (day-to-day and big ones), based solely on what I think is best for me. This might sound selfish, but caring about what's best for one's self is not a bad thing. Neither is compromising when one is in a relationship, but too often one person ends up doing the majority of the compromising.. You can get lost in another person's journey.

Having an amazing group of fabulous friends is also something I am not sure I would have if I were not single. Oh, I'd have friends, but would we be as close and have as many shared memories if we both had significant others?? I see it already - when people pair off, friends start to become secondary. It's not intentional and it's not malicious, it's just the natural course of beginning to forge a family of one's own, to which friends often become peripheral.
_______________________________________________________________

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the magnitude of the untapped potential that lies dormant in human beings, about the amount of energy and time we waste both individually and collectively on utterly trivial matters. It bothers me a lot. I feel like we are simultaneously creating an Orwellian 1984 and A Brave New World. Most people seem to be living a life of complacency and struggle, quite unaware of their own power to determine their destiny and create a better future for themselves and the children of this Earth. Hedonism seems to have become the temporary band-aid solution for the empty feeling one experiences when they are not living the life they were meant to. It seems like most people are 'living for the weekend' and trying to find ways to make sure they are comfortable and surrounded by things or pleasurable experiences. Others use their energies to hate, hold grudges, and generally be angry and vengeful.


I know none of this is new to the world, that humanity has a history steeped in hatred, struggle, and hedonism, but I'm not a fatalist nor do I think that humanity's history is quite that one-sided. Surely there is also a history of empathy, compassion, and comraderie.

_________________________________________________________________

Americans expend <%10 on food and over %17 on medical bills. We are what we eat!

It boggles my mind that adults actually eat at fast food restaurants and are willing to sit down to a dinner that's from a box and has been cooked in under two minutes in another box called the microwave. Do people not have taste buds? Do people not cherish their own bodies enough to at least allow themselves to spend more than %10 of their income on food? In the long run, of course, they pay the extra price via medical bills, prescription drugs, diet potions, surgery (in some cases) and, most importantly, a lower quality of life.

It seems to me that by spending just a giving a bit more thought and spending a bit more money on good, REAL food, eaters can reverse this lose-lose situation into a win-win one. They can go from eating tasteless, unhealthy food while watching tv/driving around suburbia AND then
becoming overweight and unable to fully enjoy life (b/c, let's face it, it's hard being heavy) and potentially being diagnosed with Early Onset Diabetes, high blood pressure, or myriad of other

__________________________________________________________________

One of the most brilliant things about life, perhaps even THE most, is that the future need never be a reflection of the past. Each moment that presents itself to us offers an opportunity for a new thought, a new feeling, a new action. This is a simple yet powerful truth that many of us forget or maybe never came to know in the first place. Instead we seem, for the most part, to live as if we are character in a short film that's spinning round and round on a spool, the same things happening, again and again. We make the mistake of thinking our current experiences are somehow an unchangeable reality when, in fact, they are simply a result of our past thinking. If we realise this and change our thoughts, redirect them towards the experiences we want, rather than the ones we are currently experiencing, and believe enough in our new thoughts to take action on them, then we begin to change the film. Instead of being in a short film, that is infinitely repeating the same story, we find ourselves in a seemingly never-ending story, filled with challenges and triumphs

Confession of a Meat-Eater

Often when I meet someone and tell them I'm a foodie and quasi-environmentalist, they eventually, with great hesitation, get around to asking me the inevitable question "So, uh, are you a vegetarian?". Well, that is unless I've already regaled them with tales of my lamb dinner in Vermont or shared my 'bacon makes everything better' philosophy. In any case, I find the assumption that environmental-foodies are likely to be vegetarians quite an interesting one. In most cases, when I assure the questioner that I am, indeed, a meat-eater, I note a slight look of relief wash over their face. This is particularly so if the person is a male and possibly interested in dating me.

I have no shame in admitting that I am an omnivore. Recently I spoke as part of a panel on environmental issues. I discussed the importance of strengthening our local food system and developing sustainable agricultural practices. During the Q & A period, a woman in the audience asked me what my opinion was on the environmental impacts of the Western world's obsession with meat eating. I'm not always clued in to whether someone has an agenda when they make a query, but it was pretty obvious that this woman was a vegetarian and had a particular dislike for the meat-eating ways of most North Americans and, indeed, most humans. And in some respects, I can completely relate to her stance. The way we are going about raising most livestock for consumption these days is, at the very least completely unsustainable on an environmental level and, more notably, disgustingly inhumane. The current system is terribly unhealthy to the animals that are being fed foods they were never meant to eat, given excessive antibiotics, and made to exist their entire lives in deplorably cramped, dirty conditions. This state of unhealth and sickness is then being transfered to those of us that choose to eat meat from these cows, pigs, chickens, turkeys, etc. And this meat is everywhre, it is pervasive. It's not just the meat you get at fast food restaurants, it's the meat you get in the frozen foods section of the grocery store as well as the fresh meat section.In many cases it's even the meat you get at some butcher shops, and 'real' restaurants.

All of that being said, I still believe there's a place for meat in our diet. This post is a sort of 'coming out', a confession to eating habits that I've been afraid to admit to for the past few weeks. You see, I'm testing out this new way of eating, most commonly referred to as the Paleo diet.

In a nutshell, the Paleo diet requires the elimination of all grains, legumes, refined sugars, and dairy products from one's diet. It emphasizes vegetables (minimal tubers like potatoes), meats, fats (from meats and certain other sources), along with consumption of ltd quantities of fruits, nuts, and seeds. The basic thesis behind this diet is that we have not genetically changed since our predecessors, the hunter-gatherers roamed the Earth. Homosapiens have been around for over 2 million years, we've only been farming for (at most, in certain parts of the world)10,000 years. That's a pretty short time in the spanof human history and for some people (e.g. native tribes, Western europeans), farming took hold much more recently or not at all (e.g. Inuits). So how is it that over the past 50 years or so, some scientists have determined that the optimal diet is rich in whole grains and low in fat? It doesn't really make sense to me, so I'm going against the grain (pun intended) and trying Paleo thing on for size.

But I've been reluctant to announce it to the world. I don't mind admitting to being an omnivore, but for some reason admitting I've cut out grains and eat animal meats high in fat seems to throw people off. A lot. Also, I've discovered, through keen observation of lunchrooms, dining rooms, etc., that people don't like to have their own food choices questioned. While I'm happy to have my choices questioned, even the mere mention of my choices could make someone else feel that I am judging their food choices to be subpar to mine. This is a tricky thing. As a budding holistic nutritionist, I naturally want to help people become informed about foods (although, of course, it must be noted that at this point, my nutrition decisions are not being formed from my nutrition program, as I just started this week). On the other hand, I don't want people to have a negative attitude towards eating/food or feel discouraged that what they 'think' is healthy for them, might not actually be all that healthy for them. So, for the most part, I've kept my diet choices to myself unless necessary to inform a dining partner or if someone directly asks me why I'm eating spaghetti squash instead of pasta.

I'm coming out now as a meat-eater, because I just don't feel like hiding it anymore. And because I think it's important not to feel guilty about eating a diet that, at first glance, may seem indulgent and environmentally unsustainable. But therein lies an important part of the Paleo diet. Adherents are meant to consume meats and vegetables that have been raised in natural ways, which would equate to free-run chickens who get to eat whatever is on the ground, grass-fed cows, pastured pigs, organic vegetables, etc. It is imperative to differentiate between a diet that is merely high in meat/fats (remember the Protein Power Plan), and one that emphasizes naturally raised/grown foods.

I'm not trying to raise the whole Vegetarian vs. Carnivore/Omnivore debate. I respect that each of us has to make diet choices based on our own health beliefs, values, cultures, etc. That being said, I expect I will return to the topics of meat-eating, grains, and vegetarianism at regular intervals in the future. There is much to be said and much to be questioned about the conventional wisdom surrounding diets and what is good/bad for us. I'm looking forward to being further educated via my holistic nutrition program of study. For those that want to learn more about the Paleo diet, here are some resources to get you started:

http://paleodietlifestyle.com/paleo-101/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCFZoqmKf5M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8WA5wcaHp4&feature=player_embedded#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNYlIcXynwE&feature=related
http://55theses.org/
http://missinghumanmanual.com/ (check out the resource links on this site)

http://vimeo.com/ancestralhealthsymposium/videos/sort:date

As a final note, after 3 weeks of eating 'mostly' paleo (I don't believe in being so strict about eating that it takes away the joy or makes socializing difficult), I have noted the following:

• Elimination of sugars and grains has resulted in having no hunger pains. Ever.I have gone 7 to 8 hours after eating a relatively light lunch (perhaps 4 oz of pork tenderloin with a large salad) and felt no stomach growling or pains to signal hunger. This is, I reckon, due to lack of blood sugar highs and lows that result from eating foods with high glycemic load (e.g. sugars, breads, rice, pastas, etc.)
• I don't feel tired at all during the day. Actually, this hasn't been a problem for me much in the past five or six years, as I've not tended to eat a lot of grains at any one sitting. There were, however, times when I would eat a lot of sugar and then feel sooo tired after a couple of hours.
• I've lost a few pounds. Some people lose quite a bit of weight when they start eating paleo, but the fact is that the past 3 weeks have been extremely stressful for me, and I often cling to weight when stressed, so am not surprised my weight loss has been minimal.
  

I am sure there would have been more noticeable effects of my switch to paleo if I'd previously been a carb-addict and went from eating toast at breakfast, pasta at lunch and a stiry fry with rice at dinner to my current regimen of eggs for brekkie, a salad and meat for lunch, and sauteed veggies and meat for dinner, but I really didn't eat many grains/starchy carbs before. For me, the transition has mostly been about eliminating sugars from my diet and getting away from the oatmeal breakfast.

I have a feeling I'll see more results in my body as time carries on. Now that I'm back at the gym, I'm hoping for more muscle definition and, ultimately, more fat loss. It's hard to report any health impacts, because I have a clean bill of health, thus this way of eating is a preventative measure that I'll not necessarily ever be able to measure the impacts of (since 'not' acquiring a chronic disease is hard to attribute to a certain lifestyle choice on a case by case basis.

Never Say Never

I'm going back to school.

Wow, I really never thought I'd utter those words again. But here I am, waiting on the arrival of my new Visa Aerogold credit card so I can reap some Aeroplan rewards from this slightly daunting decision. Yes, that's right, I'm actually fronting my own cash for tuition, which is a first for me. And after watching too many episodes of 'Til Debt Do Us Part', I figured I'd best find a way to make the outlay of money work for me. And given that I have a rather extensive list of travel destinations for 2012, collection of aeroplan miles seemed rather fitting.

To cut to the chase, the end goal is to become a Registered Holistic Nutritionist. The program I am enrolling in is through the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition and students have the option of doing the program in class or through distance ed. Since there are no classes held on PEI and since I think it's *probably* wise of me not to quit my job again to go back to school, I've opted for the part-time distance ed option. I'll be starting my first course the week following this and I am beyond excited. Indeed, I daresay I'm ecstatic.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, probably with real seriousness since the past winter. Unlike my other degrees, which I sort of jumped into in Las Vegas wedding-style (let's hope for the best!), I've actually spent time researching this decision and thinking a lot about whether this type of career path is right for me. I visited a career counselor. After our first hour-long meeting, she basically told me that I was not in need of counseling (career-wise anyways), as apparently I'd already done most of the exercises she would have recommended. I told her my Myers-Briggs type was ENFJ, which apparently made me ahead of the game as that's a test they recommend people do. So she looked up my type in one of her many career books. Listed amongst the professions that would be of interest to my personality type was 'holistic health practitioner'. I also spoke with two of the most well-established RHNs here in Charlottetown, as well as one that I used to visit in Kingston and all of them were extremely encouraging. The two who knew me as a client seemed to think it was a great fit (but, of course, what else would they say right?!) Still, I was encouraged, especially when I learned that they all did their program through the same school as me.

I think this is going to be a great adventure, both career-wise and personally. I'm really looking forward to studying the linkages between mind, body and spirit. It will be such a fantastic opportunity to apply what I learn to my own health journey. But what really served as the deciding factor in my decision to pursue this career path is that I now know that in order to be happy in the workplace, I need a job where I am working with people and helping them. I am motivated by a desire to help others reach their full potential. In my every day life I seem to gravitate towards counseling, educating and/or motivating others. It's something I don't even realize I am doing most of the time, but it is definitely where I get my energy and drive from. It only makes sense that I embark on a career where I am able to educate and counsel people who want my help in becoming healthier.

So, there you have it. I'm going to be a student yet again. When I finish this degree, I'll have 9 years of post-secondary education to my name. Hopefully, 9 is the magic number that leads me to a career that I will enjoy and excel at!

Oh, and as a final note, it is also my intention to start posting more regularly here over the coming months. Some posts will serve as reflections on my course and what I am learning, but for the most part I'll aim to continue blogging as per usual, but perhaps with more brevity (is it obvious that I'm attempting to turn over a whole bunch new leaves at once ? if it's not clear, it will soon become abundantly so).