And so it is . . . I am going to Ottawa. It's funny because I told Raeanne back at the first of September that I would come visit her in Ottawa sometime during the fall (this was while I was still in Edinburgh and facing unemployment upon return to the Island). And now I am going for 'business'. My first business related travel!

So I'm staying at the Delta Ottawa , which is fine with me. They have a gym but, and this boggles my mind, they only have complimentary high speed internet access in the business suites! It's carzy how much Internet access costs in some places In Edinburgh I could only find two places that had free wireless internet access, in Charlottetown I am aware of at least six places. There's something to be said for the small town I guess - it's cheaper!

Last night I went on a shopping spree - one of those sprees where you just run through the store picking out clothes that might look good until yhou have a pile in your arms that is so high you can't see in front of you. That's what I did. I went to one store, picked out fourteen items and proceeded to spend $367 without trying a single thing on. That's just how I like to do my clothes shopping. Suffice to say, the only stores that get my business are ones with a return policy that includes refunds. Today I am bringing back about half the clothes I bought last night, but I am keeping the rest so I think I faired quite well.

I've been trying to avoid buying clothes as I am losing weight and don't plan to stop this trend any time soon. Ah, but work calls and one must look presentable when the workplace is Parliament Hill.

So off I go for some more shopping. It's a good thing I got that loan for my Echo, since I haven't actually been paid yet...

Mental note - make next post funny or at least attempt this feat! Too early in the morning for such craziness!

There are so many things I just don't get -especially about human nature, about people's motivations and reasoning for actions or non-actions. Here are a few of those things which confuse me most:

• Why do people not communicate when there is something bothering them? Why? I mean we all know, logically, that the only way to resolve something is to have a discussion about it. People are not mind-readers, they can't intuitively guess what someone else is thinking or feeling. And what's up with giving up? What's up with saying 'well, there's no sense in talking about it things won't change'? Gez, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever heard one!! Of course things can't change if you don't talk about them so you'll prove yourself right but what's the point in that? If you care about someone, you should give them the benefit of the doubt, give them a chance to hear your concerns and voice their own. Then see if there isn't some solution for the problem at hand. Because otherwise, you're just going to be miserable, the other person is going to be oblivious and things will only get worse. If you truly care about someone, realise that they care a lot about you too.

• What's up with cutting someone out of your life, without an obvious reason such as an argument, etc.? This has happened to me now on four occassions, three times it was with friends that I considered to be very important in my life. ANd then just like that, in the snap of a finger, and with no explanation , communication became one-way. Eventually I gave up on each of them, but not before I invested a lot of time trying to salvage things. And to this day I still don't understand why two of these friends chose to discontinue our friendship. I can only conclude that it was not a particularly personal decision, because i was not the only one ousted. But, just for the record - it hurts a hell of a lot when someone cuts you out without a reasonable explanation, with no warning..... I wish I did not dwell on such thoughts, but I do. I covet human relationships, so when they go awry it upsets me to no end. Most of the time I blame myself, most of the time I shouldn't be so hard on myself.

OK, well, that's all I've got for the mo - I am obviously thinking too much for my own good. That's what ya get for listening to Norah Jones and reminiscing. Love & peace to you all.

"There are two doors; one marked security and one marked freedom. The second you walk through the door marked security, you give up both."

Because really, how secure is a 'job'? You have one employer, you have one source of income, you put your time in, play politics and try not to step on anyone's toes by expressing an original thought. And if, by some misfortune, you become redundant or your employer decides you are no longer necessary, well where does that leave you? Actually, best not to dwell on these questions for too long as illusions are delicate littel things that are easily broken by those who go looking for evidence of smokescreens and faulty logic.

I can't help but be overwhelmed with thoughts these days, it's like a reawakening of my mind after and extended absence of optional thinking. Not that I would take back my time in Scotland for anything, it was in it's own right a fabulous experience, but an integral part of my being kind of went into hibernation while I was there and now this part of me has reawoken with a burning hunger to learn more, to see the world in ways that are fuzzy & unclear but altogether more conducive to a life of happiness and freedom.

In some ways I consider myself lucky to be the idealist I am. I am not driven by money, I am not driven by security, I tend to resist the norm if the norm doesn't make sense and I spend a lot of my time questioning what other people seem to take for granted. Now, admittedly this gets me in hot water sometimes, especially when I vocalize my rather different thoughts. And that kind of sucks because just as much as I am an idealist, I also need affrimation from others and harmony. I don't like being at odds with anyone, but I will speak up for myself and for others who have chosen silence.

Anyways, so the above quote is the reason I am still wandering around, trying to figure things out and being careful not ot commit. Yes, I do have a job now but that is a contract position and one I can walk away from after seven months with more skills, less debt and the chance to take a leap of faith in myself and my abilities. It will be an interesting time! In the interim I do apologise for more philisophical tones to my posts.

Here's the none philisophical portion of my blog post:

1. INXS has a new hit song out that I think is awesome. It's call Dirty Vegas I think or something Vegas. Check it out!

2. I still haven't eaten any of my chocolate from Europe- something is seriously wrong with me!

3. I am going to Ottawa next Monday and will be there until the following Sunday. So much time to enjoy the nation's capital and all its best sites like Oh So Good Desserts and Sugar Mountain and the Heart & Crown.

4. I have to go, my bedtime is in half an hour. I am getting old - going to bed at ten and listening to CBC radio in the morning (in my defense is only for my job)