Wednesday, October 19, 2005

"There are two doors; one marked security and one marked freedom. The second you walk through the door marked security, you give up both."

Because really, how secure is a 'job'? You have one employer, you have one source of income, you put your time in, play politics and try not to step on anyone's toes by expressing an original thought. And if, by some misfortune, you become redundant or your employer decides you are no longer necessary, well where does that leave you? Actually, best not to dwell on these questions for too long as illusions are delicate littel things that are easily broken by those who go looking for evidence of smokescreens and faulty logic.

I can't help but be overwhelmed with thoughts these days, it's like a reawakening of my mind after and extended absence of optional thinking. Not that I would take back my time in Scotland for anything, it was in it's own right a fabulous experience, but an integral part of my being kind of went into hibernation while I was there and now this part of me has reawoken with a burning hunger to learn more, to see the world in ways that are fuzzy & unclear but altogether more conducive to a life of happiness and freedom.

In some ways I consider myself lucky to be the idealist I am. I am not driven by money, I am not driven by security, I tend to resist the norm if the norm doesn't make sense and I spend a lot of my time questioning what other people seem to take for granted. Now, admittedly this gets me in hot water sometimes, especially when I vocalize my rather different thoughts. And that kind of sucks because just as much as I am an idealist, I also need affrimation from others and harmony. I don't like being at odds with anyone, but I will speak up for myself and for others who have chosen silence.

Anyways, so the above quote is the reason I am still wandering around, trying to figure things out and being careful not ot commit. Yes, I do have a job now but that is a contract position and one I can walk away from after seven months with more skills, less debt and the chance to take a leap of faith in myself and my abilities. It will be an interesting time! In the interim I do apologise for more philisophical tones to my posts.

Here's the none philisophical portion of my blog post:

1. INXS has a new hit song out that I think is awesome. It's call Dirty Vegas I think or something Vegas. Check it out!

2. I still haven't eaten any of my chocolate from Europe- something is seriously wrong with me!

3. I am going to Ottawa next Monday and will be there until the following Sunday. So much time to enjoy the nation's capital and all its best sites like Oh So Good Desserts and Sugar Mountain and the Heart & Crown.

4. I have to go, my bedtime is in half an hour. I am getting old - going to bed at ten and listening to CBC radio in the morning (in my defense is only for my job)

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