It starts something like this:
'I was Prince Edward Island born, and Prince Edward Island bred
and when I die, I'll be Prince Edward Island dead!'
Oh Prince Edward Island Island, Prince Edward Island
Island, Prince Edward Island Island
P.E.I.!!!
Some come from the West
and some come from the East
But where ever they go, they know PEI's the Best!
Hmm...from thereon in, it gets a bit fuzzy, but you get the idea.
So, I've been back on PEI since Sunday at midnight after an awesome weekend in Toronto. What a stopover on the way - Kingston to Toronto to PEI. Population wise, that goes something like: 117,000 to 3,000,000 to 140,000. Note that the last number represents the population of an ENTIRE province!
Random numbers and notes since my landing in PEI 2 nights ago:
15 kilometers - distance I've covered in training for marathon - 13 kms jogged, 2 kms walked
2 hours - amount of time I've spent working on my thesis research
4 hours - approx amount of time I've spent procrastinating on working on my thesis research
$140 - amount of money spent loading up on groceries only to discover after the fact that the
M&J boarding house that I am staying at (aka MOm & Jim's) is well stocked, especially in
in blueberries and haddock
1 - number of premiers I've seen since arriving on the Island. Yes, that's right I saw PEI premier Robert Ghiz at The Pilot House tonight, eating dinner with his wife. Only on PEI.
1 - number of UPEI professors I saw eating at the Pilot House who have decided that the leopard print look is so very 'hip' that he should get his head dyed to look like that of the spotted cat
49 seconds - length of my first stint as a videographer, where I assisted Jen Mac and Janielle Furness in getting one step closer to their dream of winning a 67 day trip to Orlando, Florida
And that's all for now. I am oover and oot!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Singledom
Why does being a part of Singledom feel NOTHING like beinng part of a Kingdom or Queendom. It's like the words been dressed up to make all us 'independents' feel like we're part of something wonderfully royal. Well, I'm telling you - the only thing royal about being single is that it's a royal pain in the butt...or more accurately a pain in the heart.
Sidenote: As a general rule, I don't tend to rant about personal things on this blog, rather I stick to ridiculously removed topics like politics and global warming. Well, I'm taking a cue from a close friend and my blogging hero. I don't think she appreciates how utterly honest, hilarious and gut-wrenching her blog can be by times. She lays it all out there..albeit I've been told that she tends to blog after consumption of alcohol, but still...it takes guts. I've not got any alcohol in me at the moment, but oh how I have a pent up half-rant, half-lament about what it is to be a 28 year old, single female in a world that seems to be brimming with engagement announcements and bulging pregnancy bellies.
Let me first clarify a few things:
1. I have nothing against happy couples. I LOVE seeing people in love, especially old couples that still have a sparkle in their eye when they look into each other's eyes. Whenever I meet a couple, I always want to learn how they met, and I love a story that involves airplanes or other modes of transport (such was the case for my grandparents who met when my grandma had to hitchike back to town with her girlfriends and my grandpa picked them up!)
2. I am also a romantic. I have fallen head over heels for two men (whether they were actually men or boys is quite discretionary), and done silly things like book a flight to see someone I'd only met for a week while living in Scotland. I cried when I watched the Noteboook (both times).
3. I am not (yet) a bitter woman. So I've had my heart broken three times (twice by the same guy nonetheless), but I have no ill feelings towards any of the men that I've had relationships or pseudo-relationships or dated in the past. None of them has done anything so utterly unforgivable that I've found it necessary to distrust every man that crosses my path. I'll admit there were some dark days, especially after that first love broke my heart, but in the end, I find myself unable to be anything but grateful for what I've learned about myself from these experiences. I am constantly reminded that life is made up of experiences and we have to take what we can from them, or waste them.
A Brief History of Shanadian Dating
All of the above being noted, I am quite sick of being part of this Singledom. I have been, for all intents and purposes, mostly single for most of the past six years. That's a long time. Sure, there were the two guys I fell in love with, but circumstances, timing and other big things (like different values), rendered those mere pseudo-relationships, that drained me of energy whilst I fantasized about a happy ending for far, far, far too long. Then there are all the short-term boyfriends - I was especially good at very short-term things in Ireland and, to a lesser extent, in Scotland. In Ireland I 'may' have dated a guy named Michael Paddy O'Reilly for four months, in part because he had such an Irish name! Here in Kingston I've also been pretty handy at the two months or less dating thing. But none of these make for a real relationship - it's like going to a restaurant and only eating from the bread basket or maybe getting a bowl of tomato soup. Dinner's over before it even started and you're left feeling hungry and bloated at the same time.
The funny thing is...almost exclusively in the case of my romances to date, I've been the run awayer (I despise the word dumper). This doesn't surprise me, I think I tend to attract the type of guy whose not going to end things me, which may, ironically be one of the reasons I keep run awaying from these types of guys - clearly they're not very discerning or they'd surely have found something wrong with me in the first few months? If not, then I peg them as needy and start planning my escape route. Leaving the country has worked well in the past, not so much now that I live in Kingston.
And as for the two guys who I let into my heart. Well, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. Turned out that one of them had some major ancient demons that he hadn't dealt with, and basically didn't believe he deserved happiness. The other, well, as it turns out he is very, very different from me (think gun-lover, uber conservative, uber religious..and more), and that became far too evident when I visited him in Michigan.
My latest tease with romance was dating a younger guy. It looked promising from the beginning (aside from his non- belief in global warming), particularly in light of the rather disastrous dating duds I'd been seeing during my first semester in Kingston. Well, after a month we both found ourselves in a quandry - we enjoyed each other's company very much, but the emotional connection was lacking. I decided this was OK with me (for the moment), because based on previous experience I found fallnig head over heels from the get-go to be a rather useless barometer of match potential. I wanted to see if the slow-burn might be in the works. But, alas, it was not meant to be and I found myself on the receiving end of the gentlest rejection one could possibly hope for. And it is fine, because we just weren't that into each other. What's not fine is that even when it seems like you've got all your ducks lined up in a row, something can be missing and then it's end game. Ack.
A Reprieve
So, what have been the upsides of being single for six years? Well, I'll admit, it made leaving Canada and traipsing around the world a heck of a lot easier. Come to think of it, this might have been one of the reasons I broke up with my only L-T boyfriend - he was not supportive of my need for independence and passport stamps!
Another upside, related to traveling, is that I have gotten to know myself very well, and I've been working, endlessly, at improving and evolving. I know who I am far better than I did when I was 21, and I'm not sure that all of the discoveries I've made about myself would have happened if I'd been wrapped up in a relationship and working a 9-5 job somewhere in Canada. Traveling has, admittedly, been my significant other for a good chunk of my 20's.
Another bonus of being single is that I can make decisions (day-to-day and big ones), based solely on what I think is best for me. This might sound selfish, but caring about what's best for one's self is not a bad thing. Neither is compromising when one is in a relationship, but too often one person ends up doing the majority of the compromising.. You can get lost in another person's journey.
Having an amazing group of fabulous friends is also something I am not sure I would have if I were not single. Oh, I'd have friends, but would we be as close and have as many shared memories if we both had significant others?? I see it already - when people pair off, friends start to become secondary. It's not intentional and it's not malicious, it's just the natural course of beginning to forge a family of one's own, to which friends often become peripheral.
And Now Back to Rant/Lament
That's enough about the wonderfulness of being single. That carried me through the last six years, and I don't regret anything I did with respect to my romantic life, but now I want a change. Now, I want to find someone that I just 'click' with, someone that supports my ambitions and whose journey I can support as well. I am not looking for my other half. I think I've become far too independent to refer to a guy as my other half. I am looking for a hand to hold, however, as I continue on my journey.
So here's what sucks about being single at 28...maybe at any age:
First, dating gets old fast. Dating might be fun when you're in your early 20's and you know that there are still plenty of fish in the sea, if this one turns out to be a sardine. But as one creeps up towards the big 3-0, one starts to feel like she is one of the last codfish off the coast of Newfoundland. Time to call a moratorium on fishing for cod. There are just so many fewer fish out there, and yes, it does just take one, but chances are that one has already been hooked by some younger, fresher-faced mermaid-type creature.
Dating is also, for me, a constant reminder of how few people I click with. I blame it on my ENFJ personality type -apparently I'm rare, and apparently the people I might be on the same wavelength with are also the rarer personality types. So, basically dating is a bit of a double-edged sword of necessity - one of the most mainstream ways to meet someone, but also guaranteed to be a process of frustration that may lead to greater loneliness post-date than one had going into the date.
When you've been single for a long time you start to wonder what is wrong with you. You meet guys in your friend circle that are single and lo and behold they don't hit on you or indicate they have any interest in you.Oh, but they're interested in another female friend who's in the circle, or in the tiny blonde chick who wears Lululemons and Ugg boots. Really? So, it's hard not to wonder 'What the heck is wrong with me?' And I've gone through the list of things that a man might look for in a gal: attractiveness, intelligence, humour, honesty, interesting, friendly, etc.
And I can't figure out for me, which ones I have and which ones I am lacking in. At some point I decided that it must be my lack of attractiveness - particularly with regards to my lack of skinniness. Yes, roll your eyes, but I've made very scientific observations that prove the majority of guys are only interested in skinny/slender girls...I'm not talking normal sized females, of which I consider myself a part of that group..I am talking very petite/tiny. But maybe I have a selective bias towards only noticing the things I want to notice - of explaining away things that reinforce my existing beliefs.
Then I started worrying that I was boring or uninteresting. This is not a ludicrous thing to think - I know some people think I am interesting, but to be honest, maybe those people aren't very hard to impress! It could be that the type of man I am looking for is simply not interested in someone who spends most of her time working out, cooking, reading, thinking, wandering around town and writing lamenting blogs. I've come to realise I am not specialized enough in any one thing - I am on the fringe of a lot of things. I like to exercise, but I'm not into sports or an athlete. I am keen to be green, but I'm not super counter-culture or hippie. I like to dance and be fashionable, but I squirm at girls who read In Style and spend their time talking about the latest celeb gossip. I read and like to think and debate, but I know only a little bit about a moderate amount of things, which makes me uninteresting to the real intellects (you know, the ones with corduroy suits and beards and wire-rimmed glasses).
And I have heard so many people tell me 'There's nothing wrong with you', or 'You've got so many great qualities' or 'Insert something equally encouraging and equally unconvincing'. Ok so if I am so fabulous - and not just me - but all my other equally fabulous single friends- why haven't any guys that I might actually be interested in taken the time to notice this obvious fact??? Why do I always end up dating guys that are a) boring b) looking only for sex c) white supremacists? I kid you not.
I try to tell myself I am fabulous. Most days I believe myself to a certain degree. I've come to accept that I am not boring per se, that maybe I don't always have interests that match other peoples, but I do have opinions and interesting stories and like to try new things...so I'm not flat out boring. And I seem to have convinced some people (i.e. administration at Queen's) that I am intelligent(ish). Some people find me funny. Sometimes I find myself funny. I'm definitely not the funniest person in most rooms (although I seem to have adopted this role in my Environmental Studies classes), but I can hold my own in certain audiences.
So, in the end, I am still left wondering and worrying 'What the hell is wrong with me?' I am slightly placated by the knowledge that I have some amazingly beautiful, funny, smart and interesting friends that are single. If it were just me, I'd know there was something wrong with me -- but evidence suggests there are perhaps many more gay men than there are lesbian women (hence a smaller pool of straight men seeking women) or there are just more fabulous females than there are amazing men... Damn supply and demand. Why can't the men just multiply?? Preferably ones that look like Johnny Depp, have the good nature of Tom Hanks and the humour of Will Ferrell.
And On and On She Goes....
Being single also sucks when it is magnified by certain events/holidays. For example, when you get wedding invites and are only allowed to bring a guest if it's a significant other. Or when you go to a family reunion and realise out of all the cousins, only you and one other are yet unmarried. And your father asks you ifyou've met anyone (umm....hello...we are at a family reunion!!!) Or when you go home at Christmas and sit down for Christmas dinner, only to find that you are the uneven number -the only one who doesn't have a person beside whom they take their seat the table.
And what's really hard is how very little those that are part of a couple understand what it is to be single. For some, being single never really happened (like those couples who marry when they are 20, or those that are constantly jumping from relationship to relationships), for others it is a distant memory. And I know they dont see me as less of a person because I am single, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel alone and lonely in the company of couples.
There are other things too -simple things that couples take for granted - like having a built-in friend to do things with - someone to catch the latest movie with or go to dinner with or share a work story with, someone who can pick up some cold medicine for you when you're feeling sick, someone who you can cuddle with in bed on a cold night. And perhaps above all, someone with whom you can be yourself and know that that is good enough for him. Because, let's face it, we all wear masks and it takes being with someone you love before all the layers of that mask can be removed and you can just lay there, the naked truth of who you are finally revealed, and know that someone else thinks you are wonderful just the way you are.
I Just Don't Know
So what do I do now? My stint in Singledom shows no signs of ending soon.I don't want to be here forever, but I'm not willing to settle for less than what my heart desires and deserves. I am tired of my singleness being magnified in my head at the most inopportune times, like when I want to enjoy holidays with my family or a celebration with friends that are tying the knot or getting engaged. I am tired of being told that 'it will happen' and 'you've got everything going for you' and so on. And yes, I'm aware the grass is greener on the other side, but I'm pretty sure it's time to move to a different lawn, preferably one where there's a single, male tenant looking for a fellow lawn-tender. But I'm tired of dating and, to boot, I have no clue how to attract men anyways. It seeems I've no real control over this -they come or they don't. I seem to have better success when not in Canada. Maybe it's time to leave the country again?
I don't know. This is where I stand right now. On the fence with the sign that says 'I don't know'. And even as I write this, I wonder if maybe that's the root of the problem. Maybe I'm fencing out men, maybe I've built up a nice, impenetrable fortress, complete with moat and double stone walls to keep another man from breaking my heart. It's possible, maybe even probable. But how does one break down one's own walls? How does one begin to believe that if she does that, she's going to find herself in the midst of allies, rather than combating yet more undesirable tenants of her heart and head?
Maybe I should just get a dog.
Sidenote: As a general rule, I don't tend to rant about personal things on this blog, rather I stick to ridiculously removed topics like politics and global warming. Well, I'm taking a cue from a close friend and my blogging hero. I don't think she appreciates how utterly honest, hilarious and gut-wrenching her blog can be by times. She lays it all out there..albeit I've been told that she tends to blog after consumption of alcohol, but still...it takes guts. I've not got any alcohol in me at the moment, but oh how I have a pent up half-rant, half-lament about what it is to be a 28 year old, single female in a world that seems to be brimming with engagement announcements and bulging pregnancy bellies.
Let me first clarify a few things:
1. I have nothing against happy couples. I LOVE seeing people in love, especially old couples that still have a sparkle in their eye when they look into each other's eyes. Whenever I meet a couple, I always want to learn how they met, and I love a story that involves airplanes or other modes of transport (such was the case for my grandparents who met when my grandma had to hitchike back to town with her girlfriends and my grandpa picked them up!)
2. I am also a romantic. I have fallen head over heels for two men (whether they were actually men or boys is quite discretionary), and done silly things like book a flight to see someone I'd only met for a week while living in Scotland. I cried when I watched the Noteboook (both times).
3. I am not (yet) a bitter woman. So I've had my heart broken three times (twice by the same guy nonetheless), but I have no ill feelings towards any of the men that I've had relationships or pseudo-relationships or dated in the past. None of them has done anything so utterly unforgivable that I've found it necessary to distrust every man that crosses my path. I'll admit there were some dark days, especially after that first love broke my heart, but in the end, I find myself unable to be anything but grateful for what I've learned about myself from these experiences. I am constantly reminded that life is made up of experiences and we have to take what we can from them, or waste them.
A Brief History of Shanadian Dating
All of the above being noted, I am quite sick of being part of this Singledom. I have been, for all intents and purposes, mostly single for most of the past six years. That's a long time. Sure, there were the two guys I fell in love with, but circumstances, timing and other big things (like different values), rendered those mere pseudo-relationships, that drained me of energy whilst I fantasized about a happy ending for far, far, far too long. Then there are all the short-term boyfriends - I was especially good at very short-term things in Ireland and, to a lesser extent, in Scotland. In Ireland I 'may' have dated a guy named Michael Paddy O'Reilly for four months, in part because he had such an Irish name! Here in Kingston I've also been pretty handy at the two months or less dating thing. But none of these make for a real relationship - it's like going to a restaurant and only eating from the bread basket or maybe getting a bowl of tomato soup. Dinner's over before it even started and you're left feeling hungry and bloated at the same time.
The funny thing is...almost exclusively in the case of my romances to date, I've been the run awayer (I despise the word dumper). This doesn't surprise me, I think I tend to attract the type of guy whose not going to end things me, which may, ironically be one of the reasons I keep run awaying from these types of guys - clearly they're not very discerning or they'd surely have found something wrong with me in the first few months? If not, then I peg them as needy and start planning my escape route. Leaving the country has worked well in the past, not so much now that I live in Kingston.
And as for the two guys who I let into my heart. Well, in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. Turned out that one of them had some major ancient demons that he hadn't dealt with, and basically didn't believe he deserved happiness. The other, well, as it turns out he is very, very different from me (think gun-lover, uber conservative, uber religious..and more), and that became far too evident when I visited him in Michigan.
My latest tease with romance was dating a younger guy. It looked promising from the beginning (aside from his non- belief in global warming), particularly in light of the rather disastrous dating duds I'd been seeing during my first semester in Kingston. Well, after a month we both found ourselves in a quandry - we enjoyed each other's company very much, but the emotional connection was lacking. I decided this was OK with me (for the moment), because based on previous experience I found fallnig head over heels from the get-go to be a rather useless barometer of match potential. I wanted to see if the slow-burn might be in the works. But, alas, it was not meant to be and I found myself on the receiving end of the gentlest rejection one could possibly hope for. And it is fine, because we just weren't that into each other. What's not fine is that even when it seems like you've got all your ducks lined up in a row, something can be missing and then it's end game. Ack.
A Reprieve
So, what have been the upsides of being single for six years? Well, I'll admit, it made leaving Canada and traipsing around the world a heck of a lot easier. Come to think of it, this might have been one of the reasons I broke up with my only L-T boyfriend - he was not supportive of my need for independence and passport stamps!
Another upside, related to traveling, is that I have gotten to know myself very well, and I've been working, endlessly, at improving and evolving. I know who I am far better than I did when I was 21, and I'm not sure that all of the discoveries I've made about myself would have happened if I'd been wrapped up in a relationship and working a 9-5 job somewhere in Canada. Traveling has, admittedly, been my significant other for a good chunk of my 20's.
Another bonus of being single is that I can make decisions (day-to-day and big ones), based solely on what I think is best for me. This might sound selfish, but caring about what's best for one's self is not a bad thing. Neither is compromising when one is in a relationship, but too often one person ends up doing the majority of the compromising.. You can get lost in another person's journey.
Having an amazing group of fabulous friends is also something I am not sure I would have if I were not single. Oh, I'd have friends, but would we be as close and have as many shared memories if we both had significant others?? I see it already - when people pair off, friends start to become secondary. It's not intentional and it's not malicious, it's just the natural course of beginning to forge a family of one's own, to which friends often become peripheral.
And Now Back to Rant/Lament
That's enough about the wonderfulness of being single. That carried me through the last six years, and I don't regret anything I did with respect to my romantic life, but now I want a change. Now, I want to find someone that I just 'click' with, someone that supports my ambitions and whose journey I can support as well. I am not looking for my other half. I think I've become far too independent to refer to a guy as my other half. I am looking for a hand to hold, however, as I continue on my journey.
So here's what sucks about being single at 28...maybe at any age:
First, dating gets old fast. Dating might be fun when you're in your early 20's and you know that there are still plenty of fish in the sea, if this one turns out to be a sardine. But as one creeps up towards the big 3-0, one starts to feel like she is one of the last codfish off the coast of Newfoundland. Time to call a moratorium on fishing for cod. There are just so many fewer fish out there, and yes, it does just take one, but chances are that one has already been hooked by some younger, fresher-faced mermaid-type creature.
Dating is also, for me, a constant reminder of how few people I click with. I blame it on my ENFJ personality type -apparently I'm rare, and apparently the people I might be on the same wavelength with are also the rarer personality types. So, basically dating is a bit of a double-edged sword of necessity - one of the most mainstream ways to meet someone, but also guaranteed to be a process of frustration that may lead to greater loneliness post-date than one had going into the date.
When you've been single for a long time you start to wonder what is wrong with you. You meet guys in your friend circle that are single and lo and behold they don't hit on you or indicate they have any interest in you.Oh, but they're interested in another female friend who's in the circle, or in the tiny blonde chick who wears Lululemons and Ugg boots. Really? So, it's hard not to wonder 'What the heck is wrong with me?' And I've gone through the list of things that a man might look for in a gal: attractiveness, intelligence, humour, honesty, interesting, friendly, etc.
And I can't figure out for me, which ones I have and which ones I am lacking in. At some point I decided that it must be my lack of attractiveness - particularly with regards to my lack of skinniness. Yes, roll your eyes, but I've made very scientific observations that prove the majority of guys are only interested in skinny/slender girls...I'm not talking normal sized females, of which I consider myself a part of that group..I am talking very petite/tiny. But maybe I have a selective bias towards only noticing the things I want to notice - of explaining away things that reinforce my existing beliefs.
Then I started worrying that I was boring or uninteresting. This is not a ludicrous thing to think - I know some people think I am interesting, but to be honest, maybe those people aren't very hard to impress! It could be that the type of man I am looking for is simply not interested in someone who spends most of her time working out, cooking, reading, thinking, wandering around town and writing lamenting blogs. I've come to realise I am not specialized enough in any one thing - I am on the fringe of a lot of things. I like to exercise, but I'm not into sports or an athlete. I am keen to be green, but I'm not super counter-culture or hippie. I like to dance and be fashionable, but I squirm at girls who read In Style and spend their time talking about the latest celeb gossip. I read and like to think and debate, but I know only a little bit about a moderate amount of things, which makes me uninteresting to the real intellects (you know, the ones with corduroy suits and beards and wire-rimmed glasses).
And I have heard so many people tell me 'There's nothing wrong with you', or 'You've got so many great qualities' or 'Insert something equally encouraging and equally unconvincing'. Ok so if I am so fabulous - and not just me - but all my other equally fabulous single friends- why haven't any guys that I might actually be interested in taken the time to notice this obvious fact??? Why do I always end up dating guys that are a) boring b) looking only for sex c) white supremacists? I kid you not.
I try to tell myself I am fabulous. Most days I believe myself to a certain degree. I've come to accept that I am not boring per se, that maybe I don't always have interests that match other peoples, but I do have opinions and interesting stories and like to try new things...so I'm not flat out boring. And I seem to have convinced some people (i.e. administration at Queen's) that I am intelligent(ish). Some people find me funny. Sometimes I find myself funny. I'm definitely not the funniest person in most rooms (although I seem to have adopted this role in my Environmental Studies classes), but I can hold my own in certain audiences.
So, in the end, I am still left wondering and worrying 'What the hell is wrong with me?' I am slightly placated by the knowledge that I have some amazingly beautiful, funny, smart and interesting friends that are single. If it were just me, I'd know there was something wrong with me -- but evidence suggests there are perhaps many more gay men than there are lesbian women (hence a smaller pool of straight men seeking women) or there are just more fabulous females than there are amazing men... Damn supply and demand. Why can't the men just multiply?? Preferably ones that look like Johnny Depp, have the good nature of Tom Hanks and the humour of Will Ferrell.
And On and On She Goes....
Being single also sucks when it is magnified by certain events/holidays. For example, when you get wedding invites and are only allowed to bring a guest if it's a significant other. Or when you go to a family reunion and realise out of all the cousins, only you and one other are yet unmarried. And your father asks you ifyou've met anyone (umm....hello...we are at a family reunion!!!) Or when you go home at Christmas and sit down for Christmas dinner, only to find that you are the uneven number -the only one who doesn't have a person beside whom they take their seat the table.
And what's really hard is how very little those that are part of a couple understand what it is to be single. For some, being single never really happened (like those couples who marry when they are 20, or those that are constantly jumping from relationship to relationships), for others it is a distant memory. And I know they dont see me as less of a person because I am single, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel alone and lonely in the company of couples.
There are other things too -simple things that couples take for granted - like having a built-in friend to do things with - someone to catch the latest movie with or go to dinner with or share a work story with, someone who can pick up some cold medicine for you when you're feeling sick, someone who you can cuddle with in bed on a cold night. And perhaps above all, someone with whom you can be yourself and know that that is good enough for him. Because, let's face it, we all wear masks and it takes being with someone you love before all the layers of that mask can be removed and you can just lay there, the naked truth of who you are finally revealed, and know that someone else thinks you are wonderful just the way you are.
I Just Don't Know
So what do I do now? My stint in Singledom shows no signs of ending soon.I don't want to be here forever, but I'm not willing to settle for less than what my heart desires and deserves. I am tired of my singleness being magnified in my head at the most inopportune times, like when I want to enjoy holidays with my family or a celebration with friends that are tying the knot or getting engaged. I am tired of being told that 'it will happen' and 'you've got everything going for you' and so on. And yes, I'm aware the grass is greener on the other side, but I'm pretty sure it's time to move to a different lawn, preferably one where there's a single, male tenant looking for a fellow lawn-tender. But I'm tired of dating and, to boot, I have no clue how to attract men anyways. It seeems I've no real control over this -they come or they don't. I seem to have better success when not in Canada. Maybe it's time to leave the country again?
I don't know. This is where I stand right now. On the fence with the sign that says 'I don't know'. And even as I write this, I wonder if maybe that's the root of the problem. Maybe I'm fencing out men, maybe I've built up a nice, impenetrable fortress, complete with moat and double stone walls to keep another man from breaking my heart. It's possible, maybe even probable. But how does one break down one's own walls? How does one begin to believe that if she does that, she's going to find herself in the midst of allies, rather than combating yet more undesirable tenants of her heart and head?
Maybe I should just get a dog.
Friday, May 29, 2009
June Bugs Bunny Cash
I'm nearing the end of my vacation/escape/academic sojourn. Currently, I'm shacked up in Nowhere, Pennsylvania a.k.a Sate College, where *gasp* Penn State is located. Apparently they have a big football stadium and a big campus to put it in. No wonder, there's no other sign of civilization in this part of the state to outbid the college on real estate. I'm not exaggerating either. Find Pennsylvania on a map (hint: it's close to Washington, DC and below the Great Lakes). Now find Pittsburgh (to the West) and then locate Philadelphia (to the East). OK, now if you look carefully for State College you'll find it's approximately smack dab in between the two metropolises of this particular state. Now you might think I'm complaining, but I'm not. I'm simply in awe of the sprawling open green spaces that surround this small college town. It's about as picture perfect a rural setting as one could find.
As for why I'm here in the hinterland of America, well that's quite easy - I'm attending a conference. It's an academic conference hosted by two associations whose main focus is agriculture and food. The name of the conference is Informing the Possibilities for the Future of Food. The three day event is jam packed with 'sessions', where academics (both faculty members and graduate students) make presentations with regard to research they've conducted or are currently working on. It's actually been really interesting. Each session is 1.5 hours and within that session, four academics present their research findings...which translates to about 15 - 20 minutes per presentation. A bunch of sessions run concurrently, but they are organized around themes so I've been able to attend sessions related specifically to local food. It's amazing the diversity of subjects and academic backgrounds that are represented here though - there are English scholars who study food in literature, lots of rural studies people looking at tonnes of different aspects of agriculture, farming, etc. and just as many sociologists researching just as many different things.
As interesting as the sessions have been, truth be told I've enjoyed the field trips and meeting people even more. Yesterday, I joined a 'Local Foods and Winery' tour. We ate lunch at a cafe that sourced its food locally, visited a 10-acre CSA that had an on-site farm shop with deliciousness for sale, and ended at a local winery where we sampled some extremely sweet wines. I am not going to lie - I came back to the hotel with preserves, chocolates and wine.
Tonight I enjoyed dinner at an Amish farm. There are plenty of Amish farms in this area of Pennsylvania and I've learned a lot about their way of life in a very short time. The dinner was spectacular - somehow they managed to fit 45 of us into their farmhouse and serve us up a most delectable dinner including the most delicious mashed potatoes ever (sorry Mom), roast beef that melted in your mouth, supersoft bread with homemade apricot preserves, all sorts of other savoury delights and then scrumptious rhubarb pie, chocolate cake and some sort of fruity compote that I managed to find a second stomach for. Again, I left with food (bread and apricot preserve).
Oh, but I digress. Enough talk of food. I've had so much wonderful food and wine in the last three weeks, but I can't wait to get back to Kingston so I can make a simple meal of spinach salad and an omelette. I am going cold turkey when I return to Kingston - with only 4.5 months until my half marathon I can't be messing around with alcohol or sweets any more. It shall be a dry and sugarless summer for me, and I'm completely OK with that. I will just switch from a sugar addiction to a sneaker addiction. I already have visions of buying Asics from Hashim's corner store in Charlottetown.
I have much more to write about, but I'm close to passing out and still have to figure out what sessions I am going to tomorrow.
It's been almost three weeks since I left Kingston and I reckon this conference is a great way to wrap up what's been a spectacular trip!
As for why I'm here in the hinterland of America, well that's quite easy - I'm attending a conference. It's an academic conference hosted by two associations whose main focus is agriculture and food. The name of the conference is Informing the Possibilities for the Future of Food. The three day event is jam packed with 'sessions', where academics (both faculty members and graduate students) make presentations with regard to research they've conducted or are currently working on. It's actually been really interesting. Each session is 1.5 hours and within that session, four academics present their research findings...which translates to about 15 - 20 minutes per presentation. A bunch of sessions run concurrently, but they are organized around themes so I've been able to attend sessions related specifically to local food. It's amazing the diversity of subjects and academic backgrounds that are represented here though - there are English scholars who study food in literature, lots of rural studies people looking at tonnes of different aspects of agriculture, farming, etc. and just as many sociologists researching just as many different things.
As interesting as the sessions have been, truth be told I've enjoyed the field trips and meeting people even more. Yesterday, I joined a 'Local Foods and Winery' tour. We ate lunch at a cafe that sourced its food locally, visited a 10-acre CSA that had an on-site farm shop with deliciousness for sale, and ended at a local winery where we sampled some extremely sweet wines. I am not going to lie - I came back to the hotel with preserves, chocolates and wine.
Tonight I enjoyed dinner at an Amish farm. There are plenty of Amish farms in this area of Pennsylvania and I've learned a lot about their way of life in a very short time. The dinner was spectacular - somehow they managed to fit 45 of us into their farmhouse and serve us up a most delectable dinner including the most delicious mashed potatoes ever (sorry Mom), roast beef that melted in your mouth, supersoft bread with homemade apricot preserves, all sorts of other savoury delights and then scrumptious rhubarb pie, chocolate cake and some sort of fruity compote that I managed to find a second stomach for. Again, I left with food (bread and apricot preserve).
Oh, but I digress. Enough talk of food. I've had so much wonderful food and wine in the last three weeks, but I can't wait to get back to Kingston so I can make a simple meal of spinach salad and an omelette. I am going cold turkey when I return to Kingston - with only 4.5 months until my half marathon I can't be messing around with alcohol or sweets any more. It shall be a dry and sugarless summer for me, and I'm completely OK with that. I will just switch from a sugar addiction to a sneaker addiction. I already have visions of buying Asics from Hashim's corner store in Charlottetown.
I have much more to write about, but I'm close to passing out and still have to figure out what sessions I am going to tomorrow.
It's been almost three weeks since I left Kingston and I reckon this conference is a great way to wrap up what's been a spectacular trip!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Beautiful British Columbia
I am in Victoria, British Columbia. This is my sixth day on the West Coast and so far, everything has been spectacular. A mini-rundown of my travels thusfar, including a bit of a prelude (i.e. my last days in Kingston before I hopped a train to catch a plane out here):
May 8 - 11 - PRELUDE TO A TRIP
So my last weekend before traveling was a crazy, hectic one that lead partially to frustration and partially to fun. On the frustration side was my clumsiness, which lead to me dropping my 1.5 year old Sony camera while the lens was open. Then the lens wouldn't retract. Then I had to shell out a good chunk of $$ to buy a new Canon digital camera. What a time for one to break her camera eh? Just before a trip. Anyways, the other main frustration of the weekend was that I was supposed to housesit/dogsit for my awesome friend Ana. I was meant to stay at the house and take care of Kopka while Ana was off at a kayaking festival (i.e. where there was no cell phone signal). Well, the plan was aborted before it even began because the key to the house did not work and the place was locked up tight so no breaking in through a window. So Kopka was inside and I was outside. She was fine in the end, but I have to admit to feeling like a failure at my first Kopka-sitting gig.
Fun for the weekend included a visit from Doug & Rachel, who were passing through on their way back to PEI from Toronto. I tried to show them the best of Kingston - including the Farmer's Market and the elevator guy at the S&R department store. I also went out dancing with a bunch of Ying's peeps to a place aptly named Stages. A place I'll not likely return to. And the rest of the weekend was spent packing, prepping to leave and catching a late night showing of XMEN Origins. Yuuummmmm to Hugh Jackman.
On Monday I woke up early after a sleepless night (3 hours of sleep were had due to adrenaline coursing through my body). I had to get up earlyish in order to catch a train to Ottawa, where I was staying with Adam and his friend Kelly for the night, before catching my flight on Tuesday. Well,frustrations continued when I discovered that the train was three freaking hours late. Those three hours could have been enjoyed in bed. But I was at the train station and had spent $15 on a cab to get there, so I didn't leave. I waited. And eventually I got my train to Ottawa and had a great evening with Adam, Kelly and another friend of theirs.
MAY 12 - MAY 15 - LEAVING OTTAWA AND FIRST DAYS IN VANCOUVER
Tuesday, I got a lift to the airport with Kelly and Adam. Conveniently Adam was catching a flight to PEI the same day I was catching a flight to Vancouver. The only snag was that Adam's flight was about four hours before mine so I had a lot of time to kill at the airport. I spent a good chunk of it working out - I did lots of leg work in a quiet space that looked out on the tarmac. I'm pretty sure there were a few people staring, but whatever. Airports should have gyms.
The flight to Vancouver was uneventful and I was greeted at the luggage carousel by the friendly face of my fabulous friend, Andrew. We bussed it back to his apartment and spent the remainder of the night watching the Biggest Loser finale. Good stuff. Inspiring. Waaayyy too many prodcut placement ads on that show though. Seriously. WE get it -if you use Ziploc you'll lose weight. The correlation is clear.
Wednesday, Andrew & I went to Granville Island and wandered around the food market and craft shops, then he had to work at the wine store so I wandered a bit more. In the evening we had a delicious homemade dinner of west coast salmon and veggie kabobs. There may also have been some wine consumed.
Thursday we walked down along the waterfront, near Stanley Park and eventually made our way to Canada Place, where a cruise ship was in port. Andrew wanted to watch it leave, so we waited and waited some more, and then it finally left. Woohoo. Apparently there are cruises going super cheap to Alaska - 7 nts for $500. All inclusive. I am tempted.....but not really that tempted.
MAY 15 - NOW VICTORIA, VANCOUVER ISLAND
Friday was probably the most interesting day I've yet had because I decided that my trip to Victoria would be more fun if it were taken by sea plane rather than ferry! The sea plane just made more sense - waaaay faster in terms of taking passengers from downtown Vancouver to downtown Victoria (the flight itself was 35 mins). The ferry on the other hand is an hour and a half, and while I'd be ok with that, there are also super long bus rides on either side of the ferry - a five hour trip all in all. The seaplane fare was $140 BUT because I am a student I went for the student standby special at $70!! The trip was awesome - it was a gorgeous, sunny day and seeing the islands and mountains from above was def worth the $. The best part - none of the freaking crazy security that they have at normal airports.
Arriving in Victoria I spent the rest of my Friday afternoon sitting on the grass outside the majestic Empress Hotel, reading a trashy fiction novel (Angels & Demons) until my friend, Chris, was able to get off work and collect me. We walked back to the Callendar residence and Chris showed me his vegetable garden and WEndy's flower garden. I was envious. His garden was already very green and I haven't even planted anything in my garden plot in Kingston! After a light dinner Chris & I went to the track to watch a 5k race that some of his friends were in. It was amazing and inspiring. Some of the runners were doing 5 k in under 17 minutes!!! Wow.
Saturday, after a big fry up with Wendy & Chris, I wandered to downtown Victoria and did some sightseeing/shopping. I decided not to go whale watching and quickly spent the whale money on more workout gear. If anything, I'll be a well dressed runner when I get back to Kingston in June! Saturday evening we went over the Natasha's house for a BBQ and delicious fondue. I was soo happy to see Tash, one of my favorite PEI peeps! She loves it out here and I totally understand why.
Sunday, I met up with Tash in the afternoon and we had an awesome time biking the trails of Victoria - I think we tallied up about 33km. It was a perfect bking day - sunny and warm, but not scorching. The best part was that Tash let me ride her AMAZINGLY WESEOM FANTASTIC hybrid bike. What a smooth, fast ride it was. I am in love with Tash's bike. In the evening, I went out with Chris and a couple of his high school friends to a pub in Langford. Originally we were supposed to go to Music Bingo but it was cancelled for some reason. So instead we spent about four hours talking about everything under the sun. Then we went to see Star Trek!! Great flick!
Today i am meeting up with Andrew, who also made the trip to Vancouver Island and we are going on a winery tour! Then he invited me over to his Uncle's place for homemade curry. Am I lucky to have such amazing friends or what? Seriously. Chris, Wendy, Andrew & Tash have been the highlights of my trip so far - they are the sights I've been wanting to see and they have not disappinted!
ROUND UP
So far I've been having an amazing trip. The weather has been spectacular for the majority of it, I've had some great quality time with good friends, and I've managed to fit in some exercise every day so far! I've also had some time to read for leisure and think about things I've not had time or the inclination to think about in the past few months.
A few of the bigger revelations that I've stumbled upon and decisions that I've made so far are:
1. I am moving to BC after I am finished school. Probably to Victoria. Everything about this place speaks to me - it's green and lush, with most homes boasting beautiful flower and vegetable gardens, being active is a way of life here - biking and running seem especially popular, the people are friendly and a bit more laid back than in bigger cities, there's plenty of sunshine and escapes to smaller islands are only a hop, skip & jump away, and, of course, some of my favorite people are already living here! I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like home here. Just like Edinburgh did. And just like PEI always doe (but without the downsides of PEI - like being isolated in a small town that's full of old people and has horrible weather for a good chunk of the year)
2. I miss having a network of old friends nearby. In Kingston I have been sooo fortunate to have made friends with some of the most interesting, generous and fun people one could meet and am entirely grateful for that...but...there's no replacing my Jen Mac or Too Far Tash or The Shack or Adam A. . And they are on the coasts, east or west, while I am smack in between in Ontario.
3. I am in need of change. Things need changing. I am going to make some major changes upon my return to Kingston - things that will better my physical and mental well-being. I am constantly being reminded of how intricately linked every facet of one's existence is. There is no separating the physical from the mental or the emotional. I need to keep reminding myself of that.
4. At the end of the day, the truth is that I find myself lonely more often than I care to admit. Lonely doesn't necessarily equate to unhappy, but too much of it can certainly affect one's overall mental and emotional well-being. I think that the frustrations I have been having with regards to my physical well-being over the last few months are directly linked to this loneliness I've been experiencing, but unwilling to acknowledge until recently. It happens every time I leave PEI though. Every time I move to a new place I meet wonderful people and have great experiences, but these are ofen overshadowed by the distress I experience regarding the weight I consistently put on when I live outside of PEI. Well, I realise now that the weight gain is simply a physical manifestation of underlying emotions that I am either unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge or simply don't know how to handle. And the root of these emotions is a sense of being alone - there is nothing that can compare to the security and familiarity one feels in a place where family and old friends are a stone's throw away. That is something I can atest to now, having lived as far away from PEI as one possibly could. Phone calls, messenger and emails are no substitute for being able to spend an afternoon out on the deck with your family or a night out at a favorite old watering hole with some of your best friends.
And that's all I can say for now. I am going somewhere on this trip,but I'm not sure where yet..
May 8 - 11 - PRELUDE TO A TRIP
So my last weekend before traveling was a crazy, hectic one that lead partially to frustration and partially to fun. On the frustration side was my clumsiness, which lead to me dropping my 1.5 year old Sony camera while the lens was open. Then the lens wouldn't retract. Then I had to shell out a good chunk of $$ to buy a new Canon digital camera. What a time for one to break her camera eh? Just before a trip. Anyways, the other main frustration of the weekend was that I was supposed to housesit/dogsit for my awesome friend Ana. I was meant to stay at the house and take care of Kopka while Ana was off at a kayaking festival (i.e. where there was no cell phone signal). Well, the plan was aborted before it even began because the key to the house did not work and the place was locked up tight so no breaking in through a window. So Kopka was inside and I was outside. She was fine in the end, but I have to admit to feeling like a failure at my first Kopka-sitting gig.
Fun for the weekend included a visit from Doug & Rachel, who were passing through on their way back to PEI from Toronto. I tried to show them the best of Kingston - including the Farmer's Market and the elevator guy at the S&R department store. I also went out dancing with a bunch of Ying's peeps to a place aptly named Stages. A place I'll not likely return to. And the rest of the weekend was spent packing, prepping to leave and catching a late night showing of XMEN Origins. Yuuummmmm to Hugh Jackman.
On Monday I woke up early after a sleepless night (3 hours of sleep were had due to adrenaline coursing through my body). I had to get up earlyish in order to catch a train to Ottawa, where I was staying with Adam and his friend Kelly for the night, before catching my flight on Tuesday. Well,frustrations continued when I discovered that the train was three freaking hours late. Those three hours could have been enjoyed in bed. But I was at the train station and had spent $15 on a cab to get there, so I didn't leave. I waited. And eventually I got my train to Ottawa and had a great evening with Adam, Kelly and another friend of theirs.
MAY 12 - MAY 15 - LEAVING OTTAWA AND FIRST DAYS IN VANCOUVER
Tuesday, I got a lift to the airport with Kelly and Adam. Conveniently Adam was catching a flight to PEI the same day I was catching a flight to Vancouver. The only snag was that Adam's flight was about four hours before mine so I had a lot of time to kill at the airport. I spent a good chunk of it working out - I did lots of leg work in a quiet space that looked out on the tarmac. I'm pretty sure there were a few people staring, but whatever. Airports should have gyms.
The flight to Vancouver was uneventful and I was greeted at the luggage carousel by the friendly face of my fabulous friend, Andrew. We bussed it back to his apartment and spent the remainder of the night watching the Biggest Loser finale. Good stuff. Inspiring. Waaayyy too many prodcut placement ads on that show though. Seriously. WE get it -if you use Ziploc you'll lose weight. The correlation is clear.
Wednesday, Andrew & I went to Granville Island and wandered around the food market and craft shops, then he had to work at the wine store so I wandered a bit more. In the evening we had a delicious homemade dinner of west coast salmon and veggie kabobs. There may also have been some wine consumed.
Thursday we walked down along the waterfront, near Stanley Park and eventually made our way to Canada Place, where a cruise ship was in port. Andrew wanted to watch it leave, so we waited and waited some more, and then it finally left. Woohoo. Apparently there are cruises going super cheap to Alaska - 7 nts for $500. All inclusive. I am tempted.....but not really that tempted.
MAY 15 - NOW VICTORIA, VANCOUVER ISLAND
Friday was probably the most interesting day I've yet had because I decided that my trip to Victoria would be more fun if it were taken by sea plane rather than ferry! The sea plane just made more sense - waaaay faster in terms of taking passengers from downtown Vancouver to downtown Victoria (the flight itself was 35 mins). The ferry on the other hand is an hour and a half, and while I'd be ok with that, there are also super long bus rides on either side of the ferry - a five hour trip all in all. The seaplane fare was $140 BUT because I am a student I went for the student standby special at $70!! The trip was awesome - it was a gorgeous, sunny day and seeing the islands and mountains from above was def worth the $. The best part - none of the freaking crazy security that they have at normal airports.
Arriving in Victoria I spent the rest of my Friday afternoon sitting on the grass outside the majestic Empress Hotel, reading a trashy fiction novel (Angels & Demons) until my friend, Chris, was able to get off work and collect me. We walked back to the Callendar residence and Chris showed me his vegetable garden and WEndy's flower garden. I was envious. His garden was already very green and I haven't even planted anything in my garden plot in Kingston! After a light dinner Chris & I went to the track to watch a 5k race that some of his friends were in. It was amazing and inspiring. Some of the runners were doing 5 k in under 17 minutes!!! Wow.
Saturday, after a big fry up with Wendy & Chris, I wandered to downtown Victoria and did some sightseeing/shopping. I decided not to go whale watching and quickly spent the whale money on more workout gear. If anything, I'll be a well dressed runner when I get back to Kingston in June! Saturday evening we went over the Natasha's house for a BBQ and delicious fondue. I was soo happy to see Tash, one of my favorite PEI peeps! She loves it out here and I totally understand why.
Sunday, I met up with Tash in the afternoon and we had an awesome time biking the trails of Victoria - I think we tallied up about 33km. It was a perfect bking day - sunny and warm, but not scorching. The best part was that Tash let me ride her AMAZINGLY WESEOM FANTASTIC hybrid bike. What a smooth, fast ride it was. I am in love with Tash's bike. In the evening, I went out with Chris and a couple of his high school friends to a pub in Langford. Originally we were supposed to go to Music Bingo but it was cancelled for some reason. So instead we spent about four hours talking about everything under the sun. Then we went to see Star Trek!! Great flick!
Today i am meeting up with Andrew, who also made the trip to Vancouver Island and we are going on a winery tour! Then he invited me over to his Uncle's place for homemade curry. Am I lucky to have such amazing friends or what? Seriously. Chris, Wendy, Andrew & Tash have been the highlights of my trip so far - they are the sights I've been wanting to see and they have not disappinted!
ROUND UP
So far I've been having an amazing trip. The weather has been spectacular for the majority of it, I've had some great quality time with good friends, and I've managed to fit in some exercise every day so far! I've also had some time to read for leisure and think about things I've not had time or the inclination to think about in the past few months.
A few of the bigger revelations that I've stumbled upon and decisions that I've made so far are:
1. I am moving to BC after I am finished school. Probably to Victoria. Everything about this place speaks to me - it's green and lush, with most homes boasting beautiful flower and vegetable gardens, being active is a way of life here - biking and running seem especially popular, the people are friendly and a bit more laid back than in bigger cities, there's plenty of sunshine and escapes to smaller islands are only a hop, skip & jump away, and, of course, some of my favorite people are already living here! I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like home here. Just like Edinburgh did. And just like PEI always doe (but without the downsides of PEI - like being isolated in a small town that's full of old people and has horrible weather for a good chunk of the year)
2. I miss having a network of old friends nearby. In Kingston I have been sooo fortunate to have made friends with some of the most interesting, generous and fun people one could meet and am entirely grateful for that...but...there's no replacing my Jen Mac or Too Far Tash or The Shack or Adam A. . And they are on the coasts, east or west, while I am smack in between in Ontario.
3. I am in need of change. Things need changing. I am going to make some major changes upon my return to Kingston - things that will better my physical and mental well-being. I am constantly being reminded of how intricately linked every facet of one's existence is. There is no separating the physical from the mental or the emotional. I need to keep reminding myself of that.
4. At the end of the day, the truth is that I find myself lonely more often than I care to admit. Lonely doesn't necessarily equate to unhappy, but too much of it can certainly affect one's overall mental and emotional well-being. I think that the frustrations I have been having with regards to my physical well-being over the last few months are directly linked to this loneliness I've been experiencing, but unwilling to acknowledge until recently. It happens every time I leave PEI though. Every time I move to a new place I meet wonderful people and have great experiences, but these are ofen overshadowed by the distress I experience regarding the weight I consistently put on when I live outside of PEI. Well, I realise now that the weight gain is simply a physical manifestation of underlying emotions that I am either unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge or simply don't know how to handle. And the root of these emotions is a sense of being alone - there is nothing that can compare to the security and familiarity one feels in a place where family and old friends are a stone's throw away. That is something I can atest to now, having lived as far away from PEI as one possibly could. Phone calls, messenger and emails are no substitute for being able to spend an afternoon out on the deck with your family or a night out at a favorite old watering hole with some of your best friends.
And that's all I can say for now. I am going somewhere on this trip,but I'm not sure where yet..
Thursday, May 07, 2009
With a Pint of Cider Under My Belt....
There was spring lamb, chocolate cupcakes, a party hat to end all party hats, an entertaining karaoke version of Sweet Caroline and over the top ice cube throwing. A grand night all in all was had at the Tir Na Nog. And here I find myself in front of Mr. Mac. It's 12.05 am and I haven't done my half hour of writing for today - much time was devoteed instead to cursing the ethics process at Queen's, which requires one such as myself to complete 20 pages of paperwork. I heart bureaucracy!
So some random notes and rants to come. Bear in mind I've had ice cubes thrown at my cleavage tonight and have a pint of cider running throough my veins (not biologically true I suspect, but it sounds good).
Random Notes:
I am going to be a runner. Right now I am a gym rat, but that's not the same thing. The reason I know I am going to become a runner in the near future is because I've decided to. One of my goals for 2009 was to run a half marathon and I've finally decided to take that goal seriously. So I registered for the PEI half marathon, which takes place October 18th. Conveniently this works well with visiting the Island apporox. one month after Sister & Rowan welcome ye first Courtney/Thunder munchkin :) And as a warm up for the half marathon I've registered for an 8km 'Beat Beethoven' race here in Kingston which takes place June 7th. Apparently an orchestra plays a 50 minute Beethoven piece and the goal is to run the race before the music stops. So...YAY. I'm pumped. Last year it was the 320 km Tip to Tip cycling trip...this year it's..um...a lot of kilometres by foot. Note to self - check the exact kilometreage.
I am having my first PEI visitors to Kingston tomorrow!! So excited to welcome Doug and Rachel to the limestone city. I have many plans to impress them so that they will return tothe Island and convince everyone else that they MUST visit Kingston (and me!). First stop on Saturday will be the Farmer's Market! Friday night...hmmm....maybe a party or two. We'll show the Ontarians how it's done..
I'm dogsitting/housesitting this weekend. I will be the proud, albeit temporary, guardian of Kopka (a.k.a. Ana's aweomse Husky sled dog). I swear she's a mancatcher! And it'll be nice to stay at Ana and Ben's place, because, well, I need an escape from my place at the moment.
Vancouver bound on Tuesday! Seriously. Vancouver? Tuesday? How did that happen? Oh yeah...that booking I made back in the depths of frigid February. Ah, to be on the West Coast. I can't wait to see all my peeps - ANdrew, Natasha, Chris & Wendy, Eddy,Scooter, Brie & Aurelien. When I list off the people I know (and love!) in BC, I wonder why I'm not already living there. Still, I have great people here in Kingston. I've determined there are great people everywhere..it's just a matter of finding them and then Velvcroing. Trust me...that last part of that last sentence makes sense to me right now. Maybe it was more than one pint of cider.
Anyways...almost two weeks in Vancouver then I hop across the border to Pennsylvania, where I'll hopefully have a place to stay at Emily's in Pittsburgh and then eventually I'll find my way to State College (where Penn State is located) for a conference on the Future of Food. Good stuff, can't complain about an academic conference where there's the opportunity to have dinner at an Amish farm and a local foods picnic complete with fiddling music. I may be imaging the fiddling music part, but it sounds fun yes?
Very Obtuse Rants:
I have nothing. I had rants I was conjuring up earlier in the week, but they've left me. Odd.
Very odd. Completely unacceptable really, I like to think a rant at 12.24 am is the sign of good things to come.
oooooh. I just remembered one of my rants. Sooooo.....Sony sucks. But it's not just Sony, it's approximately 98.412% of the companies out that that produce 'things'. Well, let me tell you, they may manufacture them things,. but they surely don't build them to last. And I am 100% aware that this may be the most brilliant business model ever conceived: let's build stuff that people want, or think they must have, but let's build it so it only lasts a year or two. When it breaks, they'll have to buy the newest model. We'll stay in business and they'll be happy because they have the 'latest' model. Tech products are an obvious one here ...for example a digital camera that can't handle a mere 4 ft drop to a carpeted floor or a DV player that goes wonky after a year, but there are other, simpler products, that are also built to NOT last. Like, for example, an iTouch carrying case that only lasts four months, or boots that are worn after six months, or a blender that starts to moan after a year. I tell you who should be moaning - YOU and ME. We are getting screwed over royally by this 'disposable' business model. I'm not old enough to say 'I remember when I bought things that lasted 20 years...but I do remember that the blender and electric beaters that my Mom had in her kitchen were there from my first memories and remain usable and actually better at performing their tasks of blending and beating than their new fangled versiosn with all the bells and whistles and crappy 90 day guarantees.
A 90 day guarantee?? Seriously.
And speaking of shoddyness...what about the Confederation Bridge to PEI. The thing cost $1 billion dollars to build..the company could only guarantee it's life for 100 years. Um....the pyramids of Egypt and the Roman Coleseum...need I say more.
We are getting jipped and we don't seem to care. In fact, it seems that many of us are embracing the idea of getting more and more, of replacing yesterday's gizmos with today's and being totally cool with a gadget that has a lifespan of a year. Really? That's good enough?
I, personally, don't think so. But what do I know...I just came home from the pub.
So some random notes and rants to come. Bear in mind I've had ice cubes thrown at my cleavage tonight and have a pint of cider running throough my veins (not biologically true I suspect, but it sounds good).
Random Notes:
I am going to be a runner. Right now I am a gym rat, but that's not the same thing. The reason I know I am going to become a runner in the near future is because I've decided to. One of my goals for 2009 was to run a half marathon and I've finally decided to take that goal seriously. So I registered for the PEI half marathon, which takes place October 18th. Conveniently this works well with visiting the Island apporox. one month after Sister & Rowan welcome ye first Courtney/Thunder munchkin :) And as a warm up for the half marathon I've registered for an 8km 'Beat Beethoven' race here in Kingston which takes place June 7th. Apparently an orchestra plays a 50 minute Beethoven piece and the goal is to run the race before the music stops. So...YAY. I'm pumped. Last year it was the 320 km Tip to Tip cycling trip...this year it's..um...a lot of kilometres by foot. Note to self - check the exact kilometreage.
I am having my first PEI visitors to Kingston tomorrow!! So excited to welcome Doug and Rachel to the limestone city. I have many plans to impress them so that they will return tothe Island and convince everyone else that they MUST visit Kingston (and me!). First stop on Saturday will be the Farmer's Market! Friday night...hmmm....maybe a party or two. We'll show the Ontarians how it's done..
I'm dogsitting/housesitting this weekend. I will be the proud, albeit temporary, guardian of Kopka (a.k.a. Ana's aweomse Husky sled dog). I swear she's a mancatcher! And it'll be nice to stay at Ana and Ben's place, because, well, I need an escape from my place at the moment.
Vancouver bound on Tuesday! Seriously. Vancouver? Tuesday? How did that happen? Oh yeah...that booking I made back in the depths of frigid February. Ah, to be on the West Coast. I can't wait to see all my peeps - ANdrew, Natasha, Chris & Wendy, Eddy,Scooter, Brie & Aurelien. When I list off the people I know (and love!) in BC, I wonder why I'm not already living there. Still, I have great people here in Kingston. I've determined there are great people everywhere..it's just a matter of finding them and then Velvcroing. Trust me...that last part of that last sentence makes sense to me right now. Maybe it was more than one pint of cider.
Anyways...almost two weeks in Vancouver then I hop across the border to Pennsylvania, where I'll hopefully have a place to stay at Emily's in Pittsburgh and then eventually I'll find my way to State College (where Penn State is located) for a conference on the Future of Food. Good stuff, can't complain about an academic conference where there's the opportunity to have dinner at an Amish farm and a local foods picnic complete with fiddling music. I may be imaging the fiddling music part, but it sounds fun yes?
Very Obtuse Rants:
I have nothing. I had rants I was conjuring up earlier in the week, but they've left me. Odd.
Very odd. Completely unacceptable really, I like to think a rant at 12.24 am is the sign of good things to come.
oooooh. I just remembered one of my rants. Sooooo.....Sony sucks. But it's not just Sony, it's approximately 98.412% of the companies out that that produce 'things'. Well, let me tell you, they may manufacture them things,. but they surely don't build them to last. And I am 100% aware that this may be the most brilliant business model ever conceived: let's build stuff that people want, or think they must have, but let's build it so it only lasts a year or two. When it breaks, they'll have to buy the newest model. We'll stay in business and they'll be happy because they have the 'latest' model. Tech products are an obvious one here ...for example a digital camera that can't handle a mere 4 ft drop to a carpeted floor or a DV player that goes wonky after a year, but there are other, simpler products, that are also built to NOT last. Like, for example, an iTouch carrying case that only lasts four months, or boots that are worn after six months, or a blender that starts to moan after a year. I tell you who should be moaning - YOU and ME. We are getting screwed over royally by this 'disposable' business model. I'm not old enough to say 'I remember when I bought things that lasted 20 years...but I do remember that the blender and electric beaters that my Mom had in her kitchen were there from my first memories and remain usable and actually better at performing their tasks of blending and beating than their new fangled versiosn with all the bells and whistles and crappy 90 day guarantees.
A 90 day guarantee?? Seriously.
And speaking of shoddyness...what about the Confederation Bridge to PEI. The thing cost $1 billion dollars to build..the company could only guarantee it's life for 100 years. Um....the pyramids of Egypt and the Roman Coleseum...need I say more.
We are getting jipped and we don't seem to care. In fact, it seems that many of us are embracing the idea of getting more and more, of replacing yesterday's gizmos with today's and being totally cool with a gadget that has a lifespan of a year. Really? That's good enough?
I, personally, don't think so. But what do I know...I just came home from the pub.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
We Could All Do With Some Change
I have to admit off the top that this blog post is a bit of a cop out. It's the result of a bargain I made with mysefl. Recently I recommitted myself to spending half an hour every day doing free writing - in hopes of recovering my creative self, which seems to have burrowed itself away since I returned to academia (a point to ponder further, but not now). And while I'm pluggin creativity, I urge everyone to check out www.ted.com . This talk by Elizabeth Gilbert is one of my favorites: http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
Anyways, so I am planning to write for less than 30 minutes and hope that I can write something worth reading in less than that time.
Well, as of late I've found myself with the time (finally) to do some reflection, thinking, writing and the such. And one theme I keep returning to is this concept of CHANGE. It permeates life in so many ways - from little changes like moving the furniture around in one's room or trying out a new menu item at your favorite restaurant, to medum sized changes like deciding to get a pet or go on a holiday to a new destination, to BIG changes like deciding to move to a new city or country, acknowledging that you are not happy in your current reality and deciding to do something about that, or deciding to give up a longtime addiction to something like nicotine, or alcohol or food.
The above examples of change are typically ones we have a decent amount of control over - ones where we can chooose to change or choose to stay the same. And most of the time, most of us choose to stay the same. We don' even realise we are making a choice, because often the possibility of a different reality doesn't even enter our consciousness. We only start to contenplate change when we desire something (either the addition of something - like a pet, or the subtraction of something - like an unhealthy habit, from our lives). Even then, when we realize we are unsatisfied with our present circumstances, we resist change as if it might very well endanger our life. Of course very rarely does change threaten one's actual life. Most often it makes us feel uncomfortable, uncertain and therefore uneasy. It's amazing how much certainty we demand in a life, without actually recognizing how much innate power we have to direct our own evolution. We think certainty equates to maintaining the status quo, but is this really serving us well? Who wants the status quo? Isn't there something intoxicating about the idea that we can change our current reality, move beyond the status quo, and evolve simply by taking Certainty by the reins and directing her towards our desires? Is the threat of being temporarily uneasy really enough to warrant the energy we exert to keep things the same? And we all do it, it's not something any of us are immune to. We put energy into unrewarding relationships,into jobs that are no longer suitable or exciting, into places and friends that we've outgrown, and into so many other aspects of life. It's amazing how much of our energy goes into the resistance of change. Imagine the possibilities if, instead of burning that energy as resistance, we harnessed it and directed it towards shaping changes that we wanted to make in our lives. I suspect we'd be amply rewarded and pleasantly surprised by the results of such an energy tranfer.
To be continued...(12 mins of writing)
Anyways, so I am planning to write for less than 30 minutes and hope that I can write something worth reading in less than that time.
Well, as of late I've found myself with the time (finally) to do some reflection, thinking, writing and the such. And one theme I keep returning to is this concept of CHANGE. It permeates life in so many ways - from little changes like moving the furniture around in one's room or trying out a new menu item at your favorite restaurant, to medum sized changes like deciding to get a pet or go on a holiday to a new destination, to BIG changes like deciding to move to a new city or country, acknowledging that you are not happy in your current reality and deciding to do something about that, or deciding to give up a longtime addiction to something like nicotine, or alcohol or food.
The above examples of change are typically ones we have a decent amount of control over - ones where we can chooose to change or choose to stay the same. And most of the time, most of us choose to stay the same. We don' even realise we are making a choice, because often the possibility of a different reality doesn't even enter our consciousness. We only start to contenplate change when we desire something (either the addition of something - like a pet, or the subtraction of something - like an unhealthy habit, from our lives). Even then, when we realize we are unsatisfied with our present circumstances, we resist change as if it might very well endanger our life. Of course very rarely does change threaten one's actual life. Most often it makes us feel uncomfortable, uncertain and therefore uneasy. It's amazing how much certainty we demand in a life, without actually recognizing how much innate power we have to direct our own evolution. We think certainty equates to maintaining the status quo, but is this really serving us well? Who wants the status quo? Isn't there something intoxicating about the idea that we can change our current reality, move beyond the status quo, and evolve simply by taking Certainty by the reins and directing her towards our desires? Is the threat of being temporarily uneasy really enough to warrant the energy we exert to keep things the same? And we all do it, it's not something any of us are immune to. We put energy into unrewarding relationships,into jobs that are no longer suitable or exciting, into places and friends that we've outgrown, and into so many other aspects of life. It's amazing how much of our energy goes into the resistance of change. Imagine the possibilities if, instead of burning that energy as resistance, we harnessed it and directed it towards shaping changes that we wanted to make in our lives. I suspect we'd be amply rewarded and pleasantly surprised by the results of such an energy tranfer.
To be continued...(12 mins of writing)
Sunday, April 05, 2009
About a Grocery Shopping Trip
So I joined this on-line writing sit called Helium.com and yesterday morning, instead of doing schoolwork I sat down at my computer and decided to write on one of the subjects that Helium was looking for articles to be written on. There were already 24 other submissions on the topic at hand and this was 'rated' category, so I'll get to see if my piece is 25/25 or rises in the ranks. As of this afternoon (24 hours later) it's risen to 3/25 and I've had two members send me compliments on the article! I'm pleased to have found an outlet for my writing that is somewhat structured and also rewarding because in lieu of creative writing class I have been finding myself lacking the motivation to write lately ( as evidenced by my lack of blogging...). Anyways, here's what I wrote, or you can go directly to the site by clicking on this link:
How to Shop for Healthy Food at the Grocery Store
Finding healthier foods at the grocery store is not as difficult as most people think it is. Yes, label reading can tell you how much sodium, trans fats, and sugars are in a given product, but there's an even easier trick to finding healthy foods at your grocery store - look for the ones with minimal packaging. No one needs to read a label to know that a head of lettuce, a bunch of bananas or a fillet of fresh salmon is good, healthy food. A rule of thumb to keep in mind as you peruse the grocery store: buy as close to the source as possible. This means instead of buying frozen french fries, buy a bag of potatoes. Instead of buying sugar cereal, buy oatmeal. To make your shopping trip as package-less, healthy and quick as possible you should try to stick to the perimeter of the grocery store.
Virtually all grocery stores are laid out in a typical fashion, with fresh fruits and vegetables to greet you when you enter the front doors. Stick to the periphery and you'll also encounter the bakery, the fresh seafood section, the meat and meat alternatives (tofu, soyburgers, etc.) section, and the dairy section. The frozen food section is also located on the perimeter and if you want to be healthy on a budget, this is a good place to stock up on frozen vegetables and fruits - just steer clear of the frozen entrees and desserts! They may seem like a cheap and relatively healthy option, but ask yourself how likely it is that a small, rectangular box of frozen, microwaveable food-like substances is truly a healthy option.
Generally, then, filling your shopping cart with unpackaged food products is one way to make sure you're going home with healthy items for yourself and your family. Of course, you are likely going to have to buy some packaged foods and venture down some of the middle aisles of the grocery store. When shopping the aisles, the same general rule of thumb applies: buy closer to the source. The easiest way to ascertain how close a canned, boxed or bagged good is to the source is to glance at the ingredients list. The fewer ingredients, the closer it's likely to be to the source. So a can of diced tomatoes and a bag of whole-grain pasta is a better bet for your health than a can of pasta-os. Common sense is also a useful tool when you are shopping the aisles of the grocery store. Something that contains ingredients you don't recognize or can't pronounce is likely to be less good for you. In general, most canned goods that are pantry staples (i.e. beans,
tomato sauce, etc.) are healthy enough to go in your shopping basket, although you might want to check the sodium content on such items. Be more cautious of items in boxes and bags. Crackers, cookies, chips, macaroni and cheese dinners, frozen pizzas, microwave meals, sugar cereals and other such items should stay out of your cart for the most part. On the other hand, staples such as whole-wheat flour, oats, high fiber cereals, frozen vegetables and rice are green light items. Truly, it comes down to common sense and, sometimes, a bit of sleuthing because the healthier items aren't always the ones at eye level.
Finally, if you want to eat a healthy diet, two of the best things you can do for yourself is avoid products that carry health claims and shop beyond your grocery store. It may seem counter-intuitive to turn away from food products that carry health claims but almost without exception these health claims are marketing gimmicks to mask the fact that the product has been heavily processed and contains many artificial ingredients and additives. In fact, many of the foods you find at the grocery store are more products of a food laboratory than they are of fertile soils, water and sunshine, and your body was not designed for laboratory foods, it was designed for nature's foods. So, if you truly want to eat healthy, you might also consider bypassing the grocery store for other places where nature's food can be found. Farmer's markets, natural food stores, local grocery stores, butchers, local bakeries, ethnic food markets and specialty food shops all offer an excellent array of foods that are more likely to have come from nature and much less likely to be full of artificial flavours, bad fats and added sugars. If you really want to try something out of the ordinary find out if there are any community supported agriculture (CSA) options or weekly vegetable box schemes in your area. These relatively new ways of getting your weekly vegetables guarantee you'll get the healthiest, freshest, and most flavorful produce possible while also supporting a local farmer.
Shopping for healthy food doesn't require you get a nutrition degree or become an expert in label reading, it simply calls for you to seek out the vibrant colors of nature, search for food that is closer to the source and use your common sense when it comes to putting items in your cart. It's just that simple.
How to Shop for Healthy Food at the Grocery Store
Finding healthier foods at the grocery store is not as difficult as most people think it is. Yes, label reading can tell you how much sodium, trans fats, and sugars are in a given product, but there's an even easier trick to finding healthy foods at your grocery store - look for the ones with minimal packaging. No one needs to read a label to know that a head of lettuce, a bunch of bananas or a fillet of fresh salmon is good, healthy food. A rule of thumb to keep in mind as you peruse the grocery store: buy as close to the source as possible. This means instead of buying frozen french fries, buy a bag of potatoes. Instead of buying sugar cereal, buy oatmeal. To make your shopping trip as package-less, healthy and quick as possible you should try to stick to the perimeter of the grocery store.
Virtually all grocery stores are laid out in a typical fashion, with fresh fruits and vegetables to greet you when you enter the front doors. Stick to the periphery and you'll also encounter the bakery, the fresh seafood section, the meat and meat alternatives (tofu, soyburgers, etc.) section, and the dairy section. The frozen food section is also located on the perimeter and if you want to be healthy on a budget, this is a good place to stock up on frozen vegetables and fruits - just steer clear of the frozen entrees and desserts! They may seem like a cheap and relatively healthy option, but ask yourself how likely it is that a small, rectangular box of frozen, microwaveable food-like substances is truly a healthy option.
Generally, then, filling your shopping cart with unpackaged food products is one way to make sure you're going home with healthy items for yourself and your family. Of course, you are likely going to have to buy some packaged foods and venture down some of the middle aisles of the grocery store. When shopping the aisles, the same general rule of thumb applies: buy closer to the source. The easiest way to ascertain how close a canned, boxed or bagged good is to the source is to glance at the ingredients list. The fewer ingredients, the closer it's likely to be to the source. So a can of diced tomatoes and a bag of whole-grain pasta is a better bet for your health than a can of pasta-os. Common sense is also a useful tool when you are shopping the aisles of the grocery store. Something that contains ingredients you don't recognize or can't pronounce is likely to be less good for you. In general, most canned goods that are pantry staples (i.e. beans,
tomato sauce, etc.) are healthy enough to go in your shopping basket, although you might want to check the sodium content on such items. Be more cautious of items in boxes and bags. Crackers, cookies, chips, macaroni and cheese dinners, frozen pizzas, microwave meals, sugar cereals and other such items should stay out of your cart for the most part. On the other hand, staples such as whole-wheat flour, oats, high fiber cereals, frozen vegetables and rice are green light items. Truly, it comes down to common sense and, sometimes, a bit of sleuthing because the healthier items aren't always the ones at eye level.
Finally, if you want to eat a healthy diet, two of the best things you can do for yourself is avoid products that carry health claims and shop beyond your grocery store. It may seem counter-intuitive to turn away from food products that carry health claims but almost without exception these health claims are marketing gimmicks to mask the fact that the product has been heavily processed and contains many artificial ingredients and additives. In fact, many of the foods you find at the grocery store are more products of a food laboratory than they are of fertile soils, water and sunshine, and your body was not designed for laboratory foods, it was designed for nature's foods. So, if you truly want to eat healthy, you might also consider bypassing the grocery store for other places where nature's food can be found. Farmer's markets, natural food stores, local grocery stores, butchers, local bakeries, ethnic food markets and specialty food shops all offer an excellent array of foods that are more likely to have come from nature and much less likely to be full of artificial flavours, bad fats and added sugars. If you really want to try something out of the ordinary find out if there are any community supported agriculture (CSA) options or weekly vegetable box schemes in your area. These relatively new ways of getting your weekly vegetables guarantee you'll get the healthiest, freshest, and most flavorful produce possible while also supporting a local farmer.
Shopping for healthy food doesn't require you get a nutrition degree or become an expert in label reading, it simply calls for you to seek out the vibrant colors of nature, search for food that is closer to the source and use your common sense when it comes to putting items in your cart. It's just that simple.
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